Empty?

so now I'm starting to scare myself. I know I'm hungry. My stomach won't stop growling and I've lost 5 pounds already. but I don't wanna eat for some reason. I have this poptart sitting in front of me and it makes me feel sick just looking at it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I honestly don't have any idea what to do. I'm gettin those weird shudder things again. I'm freezing...and I have trouble breathing..and I start  hyperventilating. I don't know what's wrong. What's WRONG?! and now we're having money problems. and I'm scared. Usually...when stuff like this happens I go to him and It's just fine because he..makes it seem better. But I can't even look at him. Everything hurts. and now my stomach hurts cuz I can't eat. I might as well try...well...my friend is taking me out for ice cream after school today. :) That'll make me feel better hopefully. I just feel like today is going to be absolutely horrible.
Yesterday we're sitting at the back to school bash thing and I was having a total blast...things were OFF my mind and I was doing absolutely fine. and then we're joking around about the fake bruises that the drama club gave us (stage makeup-which, I have to say looked totally real. I looked like an abused child) and my friend blurts of 'Well you can always blame your ex!'
SERIOUSLY?!
Who. says. that?
I guess she does! Then my face fell and it hurt to smile again because I started focusing on my friends and their boyfriends. Then my friend sitting next to me gave my other friend a DEATH stare because I couldn't really talk anymore. and I hate that word. 'ex'. No. I'm not going there. I'm not even saying that word.
I want to fix things. I want...I'm not even gonna say it. cuz I sound pathetic. Completely. okay...so it was very first relationship and 'nothing lasts forever'. You know...I was stupid to believe that wasn't true.
Forget this food.
I gotta brush my teeth.

-Kiera