Bro/ken

I really don't know what I feel right now.This weird whirlpool of emotions that really just hurts. A lot. But Imma just have to live with it cuz I really don't think it's gonna change anytime soon. and I know it's not just me because last night I felt like I was having a heart attack. I still have no idea what it was but I couldn't. Breathe. Literally. I don't know...I was hyperventilating, and my heartbeat was like...off the charts and I was FREEZING cold. I feel like such. A. Bitch. I know...I just said bitch. ohh no...kill me now because it'd be okay with me.
I can't eat. I can't sleep without having a nightmare...I wanna go back in time! I wanna fix things, I wanna make them better again, I wanna lay down and cry all day but I can't! and I hate this feeling! I hate it! Nobody cares. and I've never been so..scared. Ever. I was shaking..and I couldn't make it stop. and my body's still bein all weird. Everything was so perfect and now..it just feels messed up and I don't know what to do. I can't make it better. I just miss...everything. I miss him. So much...and everything...the memories hurt because I feel like there's never gonna be another of those perfect. memories. I know nothing and no one is perfect. But things were close enough! I want them back...I want him back! Why do I feel like I've lost him? I can't..I can't...I just can't! Ever since I've been with him..I've been so happy...everyone could tell too! Because I'd tell my best friends what was wrong and they freak out. Cuz they know that he makes me happy..but right now I'm not. and I know what emo people feel like. but I'm not emo. Everything hurts. Why? why can't we just rewind to...2 month ago..or..2 days ago? I people were right? Nothing can last forever? Is that true? Cuz I really..I really don't want it to be true. I don't want everything said..to be lies. I hate this. I want everything to be better. I want him to hold me and tell me its gonna be okay. But I don't think that's gonna happen i guess I've just gotta be strong. I may be being way overdramatic. but I can't just bottle it up. I don't know what the hell to do. I just...wanna be loved again. and I'm not. I guess I kinda feel broken. Broken.