I wanna Hold your Hand

I'm just really P.O'd right now and I don't even know why. I wanna go beat some one up and then stab little puppies until they bleed to death. Maybe not that violent...but jeez I'm angry. AHHH!!!!!!! I HATE the feeling of being angry. Like, I wish I could never be angry, because it's probably one of my least favorite feelings. and then mixed with impatience and confusion...yeah NOT a good combination. I don't. even. know. I just. RAHHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE GIVE ME A COOKIE. RIGHT. NOW.
Okay. I need to be done having an episode and talk to you, considering I haven't written a real post in a while. The one I posted yesterday, does not count.
So. How're you? What's goin on? Are your holidays going good? Oh, how I hate small talk. Ahhh...I've been listening to my ipod way too much. I constantly have a song stuck in my head.
and I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, it's two a.m and I'm cursing your name! You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I love you!
Cept I have the lyrics wrong...It's not miss...it's 'I've been'. So now I don't really like it anymore. Haha:) I fall in and out of love with songs pretty fast.
So..yeahh. I'm excited to go back to school. I know I've already said that but I just feel like something needs to happen. I'm so sick of all the the boring routines...boring days filled with pretty much nothing. I hope 2011 is a good year. I mean...2010 was amazing. At least most of it. I just hope 2011 is better than the last part of 2010 has been. I'm ready for a new year. I dunno what my new years resolution will be. Oh noo! You know what, in about 2 years, we're all going to DIE!!! Shut up. No one knows when the world's gonna end. Sorry, had to put that in there. Anyways. Hmmm...MAybe my new years resolution will just be to be happy. Cuz I haven't been and...I need to be. I really need to be. AHHH.
So A fresh start is what I want. A fresh start...but I do wanna keep the memories. Cuz a lot happened in 2010 and I gotta say...a lotta things happened that I will absolutely never forget. dang. a LOT happened in 2010. My first show choir competitions...High School musicall...a lotta other stuff. :) I guess overall it was a good year. until towards the end. but at least I held on:)
So...when school starts...a lots going on. I heard next week we have show choir everyday, and school hasn't even started yet, next week. I go back on the 7th, but I think Imma just go back on the day of finals, just because I kinda wanna be in those classes one more time. I have to switch my science class (which like, all my friends are in) and express:( Although I'll still see them. dang. I have health...in replacement of my science class, and my science class goes where express was. But I'm excited!! I just...SOMETHING NEEDS TO HAPPEN!! Cuz. This. Is. Boring. And something good. Not Bailey having chicken pox because THAT happened and THAT is not cool. I'm like terrified I'll get it. Although my parents told me I wont because I was vaccinated when I was little. But my mom might get it and if she does it could be fatal. Let's just hope she doesn't. and my sister acts fine except for the itching! Like she still runs around and stuff. but every little normal (i hope) itch I have I kinda freak out a little bit.
Tomorrow I'm going over to my friend Hannah's. I really need someone to talk to in person. I feel cut off from my friends lately. Idk why I talk to them 24/7. I just need a hug. Really bad.
EEEEEEHh. You know, Show Choir season always bring drama. and this sounds horrible, but I'm kinda excited to see what that drama will be. Because It's better than BORINGNESS. PAINFUL BORINGNESS. What will I do this summer? Last summer was great but I have a very strong feeling this summer will be way. way. different. and it won't be good. and I'll end up going anorexic or something because I've already lost 5 pounds in a week and I Have no idea how. hmm.
You know what? Imma start making a question of the blogg. :P Each post, I shall ask a question. And if you know me, you can text me the answer, or you can comment on the blog...I'm pretty sure you can do that. :P
Alright...
so...

What's your new year's resolution?

I guess I don't really have anything to say.
Seeya.

-Kiera

Innocent.

Im really confused. I miss being 4 years old. And your biggest worry was that your mommy made you stand in the corner. Now that were getting older...Im kinda scared. I don't wanna grow up and face the world. I'm still a little girl. I still hold my little stuffed animals and cry when im upset. But then realize that now...it's different. I can't come crying to mommy and daddy when im scared. I can't climb in their bed in the middle of the night when there's a monster in my closet. And I have to be te role model for the kids. And I just..I dunno what's going on. I dunno what's up with me. I just hate sitting alone ad crying and having to wonder if there's anyone out there who understands. I know gave stupid issues. I wish life was easier. Cuz its not fair. To look at the world and wonder why there isn't enough magic left for me. I hate being older and having everyone assume I can solve all my problems on my own. Sometimes I need someone to tell me it's gonna be okay, because I don't believe it. I don't wanna grow up, and then I do. And then I look back and realize there's already so much to miss. People grow up. Things change. I dunno. Lord, help me be okay...
-kiera

Absolutely PeRFECT:)

Heyy! Merry day after Christmas! My Christmas was absolutely, 100% PERFECT. I'm actually on my new iPod touch(eheee!) right now, so this one'll be short. I got lotsa clothes, a straightener, some eyeliner, just dance 2, 2 new jackets, this iPod:) (the iPod is from my nana and aunt Laura:)) a case for the iPod(purple!) pink speakers, money, an awesome sexy hat...And some other stuff im too lazy to type out. But what a day! It was a white christmas! Finally! I don't even remember the last white christmaso.o it's so beautimous. Heee. Okayy. Short post. More next time I'm on the compoooooter:D
-Kiera

Santa Claus is comin' to Town!!

Merry Christmas Eve! I'm not so sure I'll be on tomorrow. Christmas day is kinda busy for us. but I'll try to drop a quick Merry Christmas if I can:)
Tomorrow is Christmas! It's cool to think about all the little family traditions we have around my house. Since I have 3 younger siblings (unfortunately, only 2 of them still believe in Santa Claus) you never get to sleep past 6 on Christmas. All my siblings come and camp out in my room, me on the bottom bunk, my sister on the top, brothers on the floor or at the end of my bed. Usually we don't really sleep. We sit up all night and talk about what we'll get in the morning...how excited we are to rip open all the colorful wrapping paper. Then when we finally fall asleep, we wake up at 6. I love waking up my parents on Christmas morning. It's always 'guys! wake up! It's Christmas!' To each other, and then we all freak out, and Max is half asleep for a few seconds, and then he realizes it's time to open presents.
Oh my goodness. I need to inform you of what happened last year. or...the year before? I'm not sure which one it was. Anyways. Max was younger, so all he really knew was that you get to open presents on Christmas. So he woke up before anyone was up, and went downstairs alone and started opening presents. I got up and heard tearing paper downstairs, and at first, I thought it was my parents wrapping presents late or something, and then I checked in the boys' room and realized Max wasn't in his bed. So I ran into my parents room and told them that I heard ripping paper downstairs and Max wasn't in  his room and they BOOKED it downstairs. It was really funny cuz they were half asleep. and turns out, Max had already opened about half of the presents. That's probably one of the funniest Christmas memories I have. :)
anyways...back to Christmas morning madness. After we wake up my parents (LOUDLY, at that) we all line up at the staircase,  youngest to oldest (of COURSE I go last) and my parents video tape us going down the stairs and seeing the presents under the tree in the living room. and after we open all our presents (and take endless pictures at that) we hang out and play with them for a while, and then go over to my gramma's for the whole family Christmas. We always get gifts there too, but since I'm older now the main thing I get is envelopes filled with money. I love my Grandma's christmas tree. It's a fake tree, and it always looks so pretty. You know how everyone seems to use those boring white lights? My gramma uses the rainbow ones. and her ornaments are so pretty. She has just about a million ornaments and none of those boring bulb things. They're all different, and some of them play music, some of them are miniature books. I remember when I was little I would sit around Gramma's Christmas tree for hours...:) I lived with my gramma for the first 2 years of my life, until my parents got married. They got married when I was 2, and then we moved into an apartment. I don't even remember where it was...somewhere close to the casino. and then when my mom had Bailey, we moved to Wentzville. I pretty much grew up there. Ahh...I have so many memories. I'd play outside with the neighbor kids everyday. and my next door neighbor, Devon, was a lot older than me and my other neighbor Britta, and so she took advantage of us. Haa...us, gullible little kids. I remember I was always the one to get left out. Poor little kiera:( We would play X-Men...all. the. time. and Devon made us believe that she was actually Storm from X-men, and if we did anything wrong she'd call Wolverine and he'd slice us to peices. :P and Britta was Kitty...the invisible one? And I was...rougue. The one who if she touches people for 5 seconds, they pass out. Yeahh, I was the lame one. haha:) anyways...we had Carson, and then when my mom found out she was pregnant with Max, we moved to live with my uncle in saint.charles for a year. Then we moved here. To good ol' Troy. Moscow Mills actually, but whatever. I feel like I've lived here all my life. So I guess you could say, I really grew up here.
I don't have any idea why I just gave my whole life story.
Guess I'm just bored and want something to do, so I'm randomly telling you about my boring life. Sorry if I'm boring you to death:P
But once again, Christmas isn't about the gifts. Who's birthday is it? CHRIST's! That's why it's called CHRISTmas? :)
Okay so...yeahhh...
So, me being the oldest of the Loveless clan, I'm in charge of making sure each of the children do not enter the vault of Christmas gifts. Or wherever they're hidden. I'm nice enough to not sneak in there and take a peek for myself just because I want it to be a surprise of Christmas morning. But I'm also the one who has to make up all the Santa Claus stories. I love talking to my little brothers about Santa. Last night I was babysitting, and I was talking to my 4 year old brother Max. and I told him about santa and he looks at me with this completely mystified look on his face.
"But Kiewwa...how will Santa get in if we don't have chim...achi..."
"A Chimney?"
"Yeahh."
"Santa's Magic, Max. He can do anything."
"Magic?"
"yeah, Santa will come through the front door, even if we lock it, cuz he's magic."
"and bring me PRESENTS?!"
"Yes, Max. And bring all the good boys and girls presents."
"Woah."
and then Carson fell off a chair because he was balancing on two legs, which I have blatantly told him not to do a MILLION times, and I say "Well, that's what you get. You okay?" and he ran up stairs yelling at me telling me I was blaming it on him." So then I ran upstairs and talked to him. and I gotta say, I'm gonna be a FREAKING. AWESOME. mom one day. After me giving him the 'we all fight but we still love each other' talk, after about 5 minutes he hugged me and told me he loved me. :) Those are the moments I absolutely LOVE being the big sister:D
and then while I was talking to him, he goes "I think I'm gonna be in show choir when I'm big. Just like you, Kiera. and Max too. He'll be in show choir. We'll all be just like you." And I smiled and told him that'd be cool, and then he looked at me and goes "and you'll be like 29 when I'm in show choir." and I laughed and was like..."No...I'll be a sophomore in college when your in 7th grade" (or something like that) and he got this worried look on his face and goes "and then you'll go away to college and I'll never see you again!" And  he just bursts into tears, and I go "Noo, Carson, I'll come back and see you guys all the time. Like for holidays and stuff." and he goes "Yeah, because Holidays are when our family is sposed to be all together..."
It was so. Cute. Carson's only 8. and he is gonna make some little girl very happy one day, because he is a little man. :P
So honestly...I have nothing to say. If you read this...and you know my number...randomly text me your favorite thing about christmas. I am doing this..for 2 reasons.
1. Because It's an interesting question.
2. I wanna see who the heck reads this thing.
(although I already know Al and Jake read it. Hello Al and Jake! :P)

-Kiera

Beautiful Disaster

I come to the garden alone...
while the dew is still on the roses...
I LOVE that song. :)
'He walks with me and he talks with me. and he tells me I am his own...and the joy we share as we tarry there...none other, has ever...known'.
:) So. PRetty.
Anyways. I've had that song stuck in my head all day.
So...dear friends. I got to see Santaa! :) and my sister was to afraid to sit on his lap, but I sucked it up and took a picture. Now it shall be my facebook profile picture. >.< Once I find the camera.
So.
Yeah.
I dunno what to say.
You know what?
I have a lotta good memories with a lot of really awesome people. I did some stupid taggy thing on facebook and the stuff people put on there just made my day so much brighter. And today's already been a really great day. I mean..I got to see SANTA CLAUS. How could it get much better? I realize that I have a pretty rocking life. Rocking. I sound like I'm singing a choral version or a rock song. ING ING ING! ROCKKKKING! :) Ahhhh....Just. Wow.
Sometimes I don't realize how good I've got it. I don't live on the streets. I've got a family that loves me, and friends that I absolutely ADORE:) and if I ever need anyone to hold me, God is right there. Always:)
This may sound, uuuber cheesy. But one time, I was scared out of my mind...and I was laying in my bed having one of those random breakdowns I sometimes have, and I asked God to hold me and I instantly felt a million times better. I felt..whole again. God really does make miracles happen everyday. It's pretty amazing:D
And you know what's funny? (to change the subject randomly like I always do) One of our family friends is over, and he's...10 I think. And he's been sitting next to me watching me on facebook and stuff for a while on the piano bench, and he totally fell asleep. It's so funny. I think I might take a picture later. He's like curled up on the piano bench holding onto the sides. :P
Christmas is comming! I'm just gonna keep saying that until christmas is actually here. :) I'm way excited. Even though I don't think Christmas will be as good as it could be. We're not exactly rich...but you know...being with family is what makes it Christmas. Not the presents under the tree or the gifts you get or santa claus...everyone makes it seem that way. But Christmas is really about Jesus being born. One of the greatest miracles to have ever. Happened. That's something to be celebrated! Not by being selfish in what gifts you give and recieve. But by being happy and greatful for the ones you have, and loving everyone around you, even if you haven't been on the best of terms. Sometimes its hard to look at someone you have a harder past with and want to be best friends with them. Maybe I'm not saying you have to be best friends, but don't push them out of your life. Say...you don't like this annoying friend of yours and you never text them because you think they are just the most annoying person in the universe. and they text you one day, but you ignore it, as always, like any other day. Now lets say the next day, your friend dies in a car crash. Wouldn't you feel kinda bad about ignoring them all the time and wished you could've been closer to them? Now it's too late and they're gone? The world's a scary place.
I wrote a monologue in drama. I didn't use it, because my friends told me it sounded depressing and like I had self confidence issues. But it was really...I really liked it. Of course my friend ended up using it because she asked if she could use it to model hers off of and I said sure, and she ended up forgetting and so just used mine. Which kinda pissed me off, but so be it. I ended up writing my second monologue as Music. Like...my character WAS music. It was pretty inspiring. I was the only one in our class that had a monologue written AND memorized:) I can memorize things pretty fast though. Which is why I don't have to study a lot of the time. I think I have a slight photographic memory. Well...ANYWAYS. I performed it for the class and made myself almost cry. Well, I didn't actually cry, I just used so much emotion that I teared up. I do that when I act sometimes..I don't know why...but our huge, loud class that NEVER. SHUTS. UP...like everyone went completely silent and then clapped at the end. Okay I'm going off topic. My first monologue was about God. And how you look at the world and  you think...what the hell happened. You read in  the bible about how God created the beautiful world and it was perfect and good. and you look at the world now...the death and destruction and...horrible things that happen...and you wonder...really! What the hell happened. Our world is now sort of a...beautiful disaster? but then there's those good things that you see and you realize that the world is perfect in a way. Perfect in a not-so-perfect way. What a beautiful disaster. It's just amazing how everything works out like that. How can people think the world all just happened? Yeah, yeah. The Earth is the EXACT temperature for humans to exsist because of a BIG BANG. OOPS! THE STARS EXPLODED AND MADE MONKEYS EXSIST AND THEY SOMEONE TURNED INTO HUMANS! no.
That's not what went on. God made every one of us and truly thinks we're PERFECT. Which is so..so hard to believe. How am I perfect? I thought no one was perfect. But then I realize...everyone is perfect in our own way. God made me this crazy, melodramatic, completely insane little girl with stringy muddy brown hair, a too big nose and a witchy chin. and he calls me perfect. He calls me absolutely FLAWLESS. And then I look in the mirror and I think...This face isn't perfect. This face is anything but perfect. and it makes me want to FIX myself. But then...look at it this way.
You just finished a masterpeice you've been working on for 4 years that you think looks absolutely brilliant. and your best friend comes to see it and she says it looks ugly and points out all the things she wishes you would change.
Wouldn't that hurt your feelings a little bit?
Now don't be a smart ass(excuse my foul language) and say no because I'm pretty sure that would hurt ANYONE's feelings.
Well...think of it in God's perspective. He made you absolutely perfect the way you are. Pimples, greasy hair, freckles, big nose, bad eye sight, mustache...whatever quirks you've got. He gave those to you for a reason and he looks at you and thinks..wow. He/She is beautiful.
God thinks you are BEAUTIFUL.
Why can't you?
Think about that:)
and have confidence in yourself:D

-Kiera

Santa Baby...

Sometimes my titles don't really make sense. It's a Christmas song...because guess what's in...3 days? CHRISTMAS:)
I gets to see Santa tonight at a family friends house. WOO! Santa Claus is comin' to town...haha:) My 4 year old little brother sings that around the house all the time and its so. cute. :)
:DD
So...how's life?? Mine's...okay I guess. Could be better. But couldn't it always. Eager for Christmas to come. I asked for an Ipod touch. Although I'm not sure if I'll get it...we're kinda poor. Whatever. I'm praying.
Well we gotta go. Short post. :)

-Kiera

That was Yesterday:)

I wrote a song the other day. I only have a verse and chorus. but here goes nothing.

everythings changed
the stars are aligned in a different way
for better or for worse?
Honestly it feels more like a curse
Sometimes I break down
the music's losing its sound
Broken melodies unwrap before me
and it takes all I've got to get up off my knees
(chorus)
I know that someday
I'm gonna look back
and know that I'm okay
Can't wait til that someday
I will smile and say
That was yesterday

I have more...but I'm unsure of it so we'll just leave it at that. 
So...how've you been my friendly person who's probably not reading this. I actually haven't really been busy now that the musical's over. Show choir's picking up. I found out we get to wear gold dresses and FUR VESTS:)
Exciting stuff, right?
Today is Saint Nicholas day. Apparently only Catholics celebrate it. Maybe more but the only people today who also do it are catholics so I came to that resolution.
You know, I'm doing really good, if I do say so myself. I'm so happy with my life right now, it's not even funny. I dunno what it is. I'm just loving life. I'm myself again. Everyone can tell, too. Today's been a fabulous day. I have show choir at 7. I'm ready to work my butt off.
You know what I realize?
I'm not afraid of  heights. I'm afraid of falling.
I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of losing those I love.
I'm not afraid of falling in love. I'm afraid of being hurt.
I'm just tough enough to take that risk.
OWow.
:D
I have a huge tub of cotton candy. and I've already eaten half of it in one day. :P
Random. :DDDD WOOO!

-Kiera