One Day you Will

Hey. So...I'm in the mood to write, I think. Life is just complicated right now and I'm scared. Everything's just wierd. My friends are all turning their backs on me. My 'best friend' goes around gossiping about me, ignoring me and then she comes and cries to me when a boy hurts her and expects me to be 'oh, yeah, bestie! you can come over!' She's using me. and I don't know who to turn to because no one likes me. No one wants me around. Kiera's just a loser that is there when someone needs a shoulder to cry on. I'm useless. Why am I even here? The world wouldn't miss me if I was gone. Maybe my family would. but my friends wouldn't be too upset. I'm nothing special. I just want someone to care. Like it used to be. I'm dumb to try out for X-Factor...Maybe if I make it...I can get away from stupid Troy Missouri and maybe people will actually like me if I'm on TV. Which won't happen and I'm getting my hopes up.
I put on makeup. I do my hair. I try on cute clothes. Like the other girls. I try so hard to be pretty. and I always fail. Everyday. I get up extra early so I can plaster a buncha dumb makeup on my face so that people will like me because who I am isn't good enough. I wanna feel like I'm enough. I used to feel like I was enough. and now that I actually try...no one accepts me for who I am. I'm just 'that freak'.
I'm making myself cry.
Imma go...

-Kiera

Say your Sorry.

I really haven't got much to say tonight. I'm sitting here late at night waiting for my hair to dry, and I've been thinking a lot today. It was an okay day. Not fantastic, not incredible. I went home with my friend Bethany after school and we made brownies and were goofballs until we left to go see the spring play in which a multitude of my friends were in. It was absolutely fantastic:) I was so proud of everyone!! The thing that sucks this week, is I'm way over emotional -I guess I always am- and I mean even MORE than I normally am. WAY bipolar. :P But sucky things are just happening this week. I've been looking back at the past and I realize how stupid I was. I was silly, silly, silly. I guess that's how everyone must be though everyonce in a while. And lemme say, Love...is just plain silly. It's not that I don't believe in love. I absolutely believe in love. I know it, I've felt it, I will always believe in it because love is something everyone feels whether they know it or not. GOD loves me. My parents love me. My family, my friends. Who needs a boy when I got all this? Another thing that bugs me this week...my best friend apparently hates me or something; because she refuses to talk to me, and won't give me a single skittle in English class. That means she hates me:/ Sometimes I feel like everyone secretly hates me. Because I'm pretty dumb sometimes. Sometimes people make fun of me so much I feel like punching them in the face and maybe somewhere else that  might make them throw up.
People are mean to me.
and I hate it. I hate how vulnerable I am. I hate how I have friends that know how sensitive and vulnerable and...hurt I am. and they continue to tease me because they think it's funny. But only when we're around other people. When we're texting or alone or somethin' these people are the best friends a girl could have. But when we get in a group of friends or around certain people, they just...hurt me. over and over again.
I just wanted to let those people know...
that I don't like being hurt.
I've been hurt more than once.
and I don't think it's cool.
So it'd be cool if you could maybe act like my friend.
Because I know you are one.

That is all.

-Kiera

Blossomed. :)

Good morning, Blogger. So...today we leave for a last show choir competition of the year. This year, I've been through hell and back. My mom says I've really 'blossomed' and I agree. I've gone from the dorky little girl with glasses, to the dorky little girl without glasses:P Just kidding. I really have changed, in a good way. At the beginning of the year I just wasn't very pretty. Bushy eyebrows...ugly glasses...I just looked awkward. Now I guess I've grown into my looks and I know how to make myself look...not ugly? I dunno. I've become a bit more outgoing and I've learned when to say stuff, and when not to sound dumb. Although I still do sound dumb often:P Something I wish I could change, and will try to, is the fact that I'm not really as confident as I was at the beginning of the year. I let people step all over me, as I've said before, and towards the end of the year, Im getting sick of it and not letting people do that anymore. I'm becoming more and more confident and I'm gonna keep on going right up. I'm not gonna let anyone bring me down, and I know who I am isn't perfect. But who I am is who I am, and that's never going to change. :)

Forgive and Forget

Forgive, I can do. Forgiving isn't the hard part. It's easy for me to forgive. But forgetting...that's the impossible part. I can' seem to forget everything that was, everything that isn't. Everything that happens is for a reason, right? Right.? I just wish I could change things. I'm confused. I wish I didn't feel the way I feel. Bleeehhhhhh.
I'll write more later. I gotta go...do dishes or something. Night.
xo.? O.o

-Kiera