Let the Rain FALL DOWN:)

It's hard to watch someone you love hurt, right? It's hard to be left in the cold. It's hard to a lot of things. But that doesn't mean we should give up on all of them. People want to blame me for a lotta stupid stuff. In the end, all I can do is let it roll right off my shoulders. but its hard sometimes. When someone blames me for problems in a relationship, or a frienship, or whatever it is. I can't help but feel guilty. You know? I don't wanna hurt anyone. Ever. Honestly, I don't think anyone really deserves to hurt. but I listened to the sermon at my friend's church yesterday and it was about how God lets us suffer because suffering is what brings us closer to him. Suffering is what makes us rely on God. When everything's going great for us, we don't rely on him too much and we tend to forget about strengthening our faith. Which I guess is why I've realized although I hate hurting, the suffering did bring me closer to God. Whenever your hurting, you can't help but ask 'what did I do to deserve this? Why are you doing this to me? Why isn't God helping me? I don't wanna sit here and cry all the time.' and stuff like that. and I did. I didn't understand why God would want me to suffer like that. and I know he doesn't want anyone to suffer. he wants us to be closer to him. He wants us to realize that he will always be there for us, no matter what situation. He will give us the strength to pull through. and I didn't think I've have the strength, but I did. A lot has happened in the past year of my life. A LOT. Like I've said, most eventful year of my life. But I realize that every single moment of the past year happened for a reason. It was all in God's plan. and I don't think we should worry about making huge decision as much as we do. Whatever decision we make, it is indeed in God's plan. Whether its the wrong decision or right decision. He will teach us a lesson along the way that we were meant to learn. I've always been really faithful. But ever since show choir season started, I haven't been going to church/ youth every Sunday like I used to. and I need to start doing that. Because I love my church. I love how close some of us are. It's not everyone close, but moments when we're at a retreat together, I feel part of my church family. and I wanna continue to feel part of my church family. because show choir is not an excuse. Of course I can't go this sunday because I will be performing literally ALL DAY. Which sucks, because I have yet another excuse. but then I have 2 free weekends after that and I will most definitely go to church:) Because I realize that I've missed church. So much. Sitting in a pew and praying feels wonderful. Even when my mind goes off track and I start thinking unrelated thoughts, It's amazing knowing God is listening to me. He's always listening and ready to hold me when I need a hug. and that's amazing. Life can be amazing if you look at it the right way. If you only look at the negative things in your life, you won't be happy. But if you look at the great things, you will realize that your life isn't as sucky as you make it out to be. Sometimes you do feel like life sucks, and I know just saying that your life is awesome won't make it any better. Sometimes there's certain people or things you have to put out of your life to let yourself be happy. I've learned to ignore the people that want to constantly hurt me, and try not to let the remarks get to me.
My friend told me today that someone was upset because they think I start drama with someone. Not going to name anyone. but it made me think. People are gonna blame me for things that I am not at fault for. People are going to make fun of me and tell everyone I'm a freak and that a can't sing and all that crap. People will gossip about me because they want me to do something stupid, because I'm smart enough to think before I do. I do mess up. A lot. but I don't do huge, completely idiotic stuff like smoking pot and...stuff like that. I'm smarter than I look;)
There's certain people you just love hanging out with. That make you happy when your around them. That you look forward to seeing everyday. That you can't help but smile when you think of all the fun times you've had together. Those are the people you should stick with. Those are the people you should stay close to.
and now. I shall end with a song that I am absolutely in love with.

I wish I were pretty
I wish I were brave
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave

And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish I'd do, yeah

If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice
And I always felt it before

That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

Love youu:)

-Kiera  

Oh, Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though Romeo?

We're reading Romeo and Juliet in English class. I've pretty much developed this passion for Shakespeare now. He's amazing! His work is so deep and beautiful. It makes you think, and then once you understand it, it's like...like maybe you could understand love the slightest bit. Although I know that's impossible. But reading his writing makes me feel like I can understand life a little bit better than I did before I read it. My english teacher chose me and my best friend Amanda to be the permanent readers of Romeo and Juliet. (I know, awkward since we're both girls.) I'm Juliet, and she's Romeo. It's so much fun to read it with such passion. "Love comforteth like sunshine after rain." I love it. "O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love And I'll no longer be a Capulet."
I may be a weirdo English nerd, but you must agree. That's beautiful. Shakespeare writes about love, happiness, death, sorrow, and pretty much life; in ways that no one else ever has. Ways that really make sense when you think on them. If people would get past the confusing way of his words and learn to listen to them.  "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" What is in a name? If I was not named Kiera, would I not still be myself? Would I be a complete different person if my parents had chosen to name me Cassandra, or Sophia (those were completely random names.), would I not be the same person I am today. And I would be the same person I am today, even if I had a different name. As would a rose smell just as sweet if it were called by a different name. Deep. Stuff. Haha:) I'm just in the mood for fun quotes today, and all of em end up being about love. Which might say something. I dunno. But I was thinking today. When you look at the world, it really just kinda scares me. All these people, places...things to do and lives to change. But what if I'm on my death bed and my life doesn't feel complete? What if I never find love? Do you ever wonder what your life will be like and are...scared? Because I am. What if I marry someone I don't love. I honestly think divorcing is wrong, but I don't want to be married to someone I truly don't love. and how can I tell? How can I tell if it's love or if its just infatuation like everyone always says it is? I dunno. I'll survive though. I just hope what God has in store for me is good. I know life has challenges for a reason. and I can't and will not expect life to be easy from here. I guess we'll just have to see.


-Kiera

Photogenic? PAHAHA!

So...hiya. I've felt a little off lately. I dunno what it is. But I have these feelings a lot. I'll be all happy for no specific reason and then BAM. Wierdness. But we had a snow day to today. which is wierd because I was pretty much sure we werte done with the stupid snow. Ughh. Oh well. I needed some sleep, and I was way thankful when my mom came in my room at 5:30 (15 minutes before my alarm goes off) and told me we had a snow day. WOO:)
So...I think the topic of the day is dreams. I had the creepiest dream last night. Sometimes I have these dreams that are like horror movies. Like, they'll have a plot and everything and I'll wake up and not be able to go back to sleep I'm so creeped out. It started out that I was going to work at the movie theatres, and so I went to do my job, and then I was alla sudden an orphan. And I had to go with my siblings to go live with this guy who was adopting us. So we went with him, and his brother came over. and he killed everyone in the house except the little kids by like...electrocuting them. and it freaked the crap outta me. I definitely could not go back to sleep. So I am very much glad that we had a snow day today. Even though the roads aren't bad at all and I don't see why we had a snow day. They're probably just trying to get rid of the 10th snow day so we won't have to make them up. Long story, and if you go to my school, you understand.
So...yeah. What did you dream last night? People say if you dream about someone, they went to sleep thinking about you. So...what's that supposed to mean. Obviously it's just a myth. It just kinda makes you think...you know?
So today I'm going over to my friends house for a photoshoot. She wants to be a photographer and me and our friend Kaitylnn are her 'models'. I wish I could find some of the pictures she took last time, but when she gets them uploaded, I'll forsure post em on here:)
We're doing a buncha random stuff. One of them being a bathtub idea. >.< I'm excited. She's having me bring my 8th grade dance dress, because she wants fancy stuff. I hope I haven't grown out of it. :P so...I'm hoping for the best. I've gotten a lot better at making decent faces and being photogenic. One of my show choir friends the other told me I was photogenic, and I don't believe it. If you've seen pictures of me, you know I am most definitely NOT photogenic. I always end lookin mentally challenged. haha:)
So..I really don't know what to t alk about. AHHHHHH.
My life is so boring without school. but I'm really glad I gotted to sleep. >.<
Alright.So...I guess that's it for now. More later, possibly. Wish me luck at the photoshoot. :)

Sheer Panic. I love Show Choir:)

Great weekend! Tonali-T (our Middle School group) Won GRAND CHAMPION in the middle school division as did Soundwave (our prep group). The group I'm in (Express) made it to finals and placed 3rd!! :) We were behind the 2nd place group, Mount Zion, by ONE POINT. Which makes me want to rip a llammas intestines out. Which sounds incredibly disgusting, which should indicate how incredibly angry I was. I'm have spelling issues today. AH. Although you can't tell, because I'm OCD and when I spell something wrong and the little red lines go under the word, I HAVE to fix it cuz it annoys me. Look at that...there's red lines under cuz. AGAIN! haha:) So...a recap of the weekend. We performed and I'm really happy with what we did this weekend. I had so much fun! My family came and see it and they all loved it and I'm glad they're impressed with it. When we performed in finals, we all cried afterwards (at least the girls did) because we were so proud of what we did. One of the guys in our group dislocated his shoulder during the performance and KEPT GOING! Everyone loves him now. haha:) I tripped onstage during the first performance. But I got back up and kept going, luckily. and then in the finals performance, we got to the ballad, and the crew people dumped fog onstage, and me and my partner are on the back riser for the end of the 2nd song, and so fog completely enveloped us and we could not see ANYTHING and were completely drenched in...fogness. It sucked. I thought I was gonna fall down the risers again. Moment of SHEER panic right there. SHEER. PANIC.

Hit me with your best shot!

Good morning. It feels like I got absolutely no sleep last night. (okay, exaggerating just a wee bit. Today I will be going to Illinois for a show choir competition, as will the rest of my show choir. well. Obviously. I have to lug my giant suitcase to school, but luckily my daddy is taking me to school, so I don't need to worry about gettin that thing on the bus.But last night was probably one of the most stressful nights I have ever endured. It was the dress rehearsal and none of us were prepared. Our director, Drinkall, and our choreographer, Kara, laid down the law. We got lectured after our performance and told it was the worst we've done, which I believe considering we'd changed a million things right before we performed and we were all freaking out. Then I found out that my friends in my room are calling me and Kimmie stuck up and full of ourselves because we're in express. If you don't know what that means, there's two show choir's at my school. Soundwave and Express. Soundwave is the prep group and is made up of mostly freshman, and Express is the varsity group which is mainly juniors and seniors. but Kimmie and I along with 2 freshman boys made Express our Freshman year, and some of our friends assume that we're stuck up because of it. Which upsets me, but Kimmie said she had taken care of it and it was fine so...lets just hope everything in our room is alright. Because I'm tired of people getting mad at me for not being perfect. Yes, I can be completely stupid. Yes, I get so stressed out that I wanna rip my hair out! Yes, sometimes I curl up into a little ball and cry just because I can. I'm not a superwoman. I can't make everyone happy at the same time, and the thing is, I'm never focused on making MYSELF happy. It's always my friends or someone who needs help. And I honestly don't know if I can change that. It's just the way I am. I care about people. Even if they don't care about me.
I think this trip is going to go really well...I just...feel it:) I hope so. It seems like my life goes on like some kinda...loop. You know how everyone says love is like a roller coaster? Well mine has a LOT of loop-dee-loops. Because it's just like some...cycle. Wierd. but I shouldn't keep falling for the cycle. Cycles aren't the best sometimes when you know what'll happen in the end. This is coming out extremely wierd:P
You know what song I have stuck in my head? (Yeah...that was way random.)
"I'm still a guy" by...I'm pretty sure its Brad Paisley. LOVE that song. it came on in the car last night and my mom goes 'can you sing this low?" so we both started singing it and...haha yeahh I'm most definitely a soprano :D
Well I gotta go wake my dad up again because I'm pretty sure he fell asleep again and he's taking me to school.
Wish us luck this weekend:)

-Kiera

Difference.

Hey,
When you look around your school or wherever you are everyday, does it look like a happy place to be? I know at my school, there's always some nasty rumor floating around. Or everyone's gossiping about one person. I hate to hear 'I heard what happened with you and so-and-so. What happened?" Um...none of your business. Shutcho mouth and walk away. Why does it matter how my life is, when you've got yours to worry about. Sure, if your my friend and you hear something and your worried, I understand. but why do all these people have to be so nosy. I must admit, I do like hearing good gossip. Everyone does, truthfully. But, I don't go around asking people considering I know the difference between curious and RUDE. and then everyone thinks its alright to make fun of people because they're vulnerable. Like the people with mental disabilities. Be nice, idiots! The poor kids have diseases, and it's not their fault that they're different. I don't know a lot of them, but the ones I do know are just really, really sweet people. and I'm the kind of person that would love to word with kids with dissabilities. I'm taking a class next year called Child Development and apparently there's this thing called Tots n' Teens. you get to work with a bunch of little kids, including ones with special disabilites. and I'm honestly excited to meet them! Kids are so precious and I find it sad that people laugh at them because they're different. I've gotten made fun of my whole life, and I've trained myself to just take it. And it hurts. I've always been different. and I've always liked that about me. but then I also hate it. because people are just fine making fun of me and teasing me, because I don't say anything. Well guess what? It hurts when people tease me. I'm a person too. Gotta go. :P

-Kiera

I Love You.?

Hey everyone. It's been a while, but honestly, I just don't know what to say. I guess I'm in a blogging mood this morning, so let's just...see what happens! Monday was Valentine's Day, and honestly,  I don't hate the holiday because I've never had anyone to share it with. I don't hate the holiday at all. It's fun to watch all the guys give their girlfriends flowers and chocolate and be sweet as can be. Sure, I wish I had someone to do the same for me, but I know someday I will and until then, I'll be perfectly fine waiting in the wings. What I don't like about Valentine's day, is the word LOVE. Love is such a delicate word, it standpoints me how it's used like any other word. People don't think about it when they tell someone they love them, they just assume they do. but real love is so rare. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. To look at someone, flaws and all, and realize that they are perfect, in your eyes. I am 14 years old. and I used to think it was possible to fall in love at this young age. I guess my mind hasn't really changed all that much, but now I know from experience that what someone says at the time, isn't always the truth. If someone were to go around saying they loved each and every person they were in a relationship with...what difference does the next one make? If you loved all of them, why is the most recent one special? Which brings me back to my point of not using the word love unless you mean it. Unless you know. And it usually takes a certain level of maturity to know. It makes me sad to go to a dance and see a million teenagers grinding up on one another. and then at the end of the night, and 'I love you" Is exchanged and that's it. I love you I love you I love you! What kind of a phrase is it now?
Sorry bout that. HA. :) Anyways...I think you get my point. But the past is the past and the present is the present. The future? Now THAT is up to you:)
Happy late Valentine's day!
Sorry this is such a short entry, but I gotta get ready for school!!

-Kiera

Show Choir. :0)

Good evening. So...today's been an interesting day. A lot's going on lately. Which is why I never really write anymore because my life pretty much consists of school, show choir, and other musical activities. :P Show Choir season is going grrreat:) I love my show choir family. The invitational was the past weekend and I think it went very well. I'm a lame-o freshman so I didn't get to host a room like I wanted, but I'm okay with that. I DID though, get to bus tables for 3 hours. Oh JOY, right? ha:) It was alright. People seemed so incredibly surprised when I asked if I could take their food for them. The invitational was so incredibly different than it was last year. I look back at the invitational last year..ha. My life was so different it's insane. But that's all good. Different is good sometimes. Even though different scares people. Including myself. It's only human to be afraid of change. So...yeah. This year was fun. Being the last group to perform was wicked. The  Chacha Slide came on and we were all backstage dancing. :) I auditioned for this talent show we're having for my town. Woo. Me and my Best Friend, Amanda did, anyways. She plays piano while I sing You Lost Me by Christina Aguilera. I really love that song. I love songs I can sing with a passion. I guess I could sing any song with a passion but there's certain songs I just feel and this is one of them. We made it to the talent show, fortunately, and we're performing wednesday. It's actually a contest. The overall winner wins $100 so...wish us the best of luck:) I'm excited. We couldn't find anything to wear and were freaking out, and my friend Madi just went out and bought me a dress. I love that chick. I haven't seen it yet, but Amanda says it's super pretty so...we'll see. I'm just super excited to try it onn. I guess we'll just have to seee! At show choir tonight. because she's bringing it today. and I'm bringing Amanda most of her costume, which includes a white shirt, black dress pants, a black vest and my sexy black hat. she's supplying the white shirt. I dunno why I'm telling you this. because my life consists of nothing but musicness and I can't exactly explain that. I've already talked about my passion for music and show choir. I just love it. Even if we don't always win, we argue and sometimes we just get pissy with each other. That's okay. Because I love show choir and I love each and everyone in it. Even if they've been extremely rude to me, which some people have done. But Express is my family. So...even if some of em think I'm a stuck up little freshman (I am most certainly NOT stuck up...) I still love em the same. :P I sound like Oprah. So. Yeahhh.
I don't really have anything else to sayy. I guess Imma go. I'll try and remember to post more soon.
Love<3
-Kiera