It's hard to watch someone you love hurt, right? It's hard to be left in the cold. It's hard to a lot of things. But that doesn't mean we should give up on all of them. People want to blame me for a lotta stupid stuff. In the end, all I can do is let it roll right off my shoulders. but its hard sometimes. When someone blames me for problems in a relationship, or a frienship, or whatever it is. I can't help but feel guilty. You know? I don't wanna hurt anyone. Ever. Honestly, I don't think anyone really deserves to hurt. but I listened to the sermon at my friend's church yesterday and it was about how God lets us suffer because suffering is what brings us closer to him. Suffering is what makes us rely on God. When everything's going great for us, we don't rely on him too much and we tend to forget about strengthening our faith. Which I guess is why I've realized although I hate hurting, the suffering did bring me closer to God. Whenever your hurting, you can't help but ask 'what did I do to deserve this? Why are you doing this to me? Why isn't God helping me? I don't wanna sit here and cry all the time.' and stuff like that. and I did. I didn't understand why God would want me to suffer like that. and I know he doesn't want anyone to suffer. he wants us to be closer to him. He wants us to realize that he will always be there for us, no matter what situation. He will give us the strength to pull through. and I didn't think I've have the strength, but I did. A lot has happened in the past year of my life. A LOT. Like I've said, most eventful year of my life. But I realize that every single moment of the past year happened for a reason. It was all in God's plan. and I don't think we should worry about making huge decision as much as we do. Whatever decision we make, it is indeed in God's plan. Whether its the wrong decision or right decision. He will teach us a lesson along the way that we were meant to learn. I've always been really faithful. But ever since show choir season started, I haven't been going to church/ youth every Sunday like I used to. and I need to start doing that. Because I love my church. I love how close some of us are. It's not everyone close, but moments when we're at a retreat together, I feel part of my church family. and I wanna continue to feel part of my church family. because show choir is not an excuse. Of course I can't go this sunday because I will be performing literally ALL DAY. Which sucks, because I have yet another excuse. but then I have 2 free weekends after that and I will most definitely go to church:) Because I realize that I've missed church. So much. Sitting in a pew and praying feels wonderful. Even when my mind goes off track and I start thinking unrelated thoughts, It's amazing knowing God is listening to me. He's always listening and ready to hold me when I need a hug. and that's amazing. Life can be amazing if you look at it the right way. If you only look at the negative things in your life, you won't be happy. But if you look at the great things, you will realize that your life isn't as sucky as you make it out to be. Sometimes you do feel like life sucks, and I know just saying that your life is awesome won't make it any better. Sometimes there's certain people or things you have to put out of your life to let yourself be happy. I've learned to ignore the people that want to constantly hurt me, and try not to let the remarks get to me.
My friend told me today that someone was upset because they think I start drama with someone. Not going to name anyone. but it made me think. People are gonna blame me for things that I am not at fault for. People are going to make fun of me and tell everyone I'm a freak and that a can't sing and all that crap. People will gossip about me because they want me to do something stupid, because I'm smart enough to think before I do. I do mess up. A lot. but I don't do huge, completely idiotic stuff like smoking pot and...stuff like that. I'm smarter than I look;)
There's certain people you just love hanging out with. That make you happy when your around them. That you look forward to seeing everyday. That you can't help but smile when you think of all the fun times you've had together. Those are the people you should stick with. Those are the people you should stay close to.
and now. I shall end with a song that I am absolutely in love with.
I wish I were pretty
I wish I were brave
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave
And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish I'd do, yeah
If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free
I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time
I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight
I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice
And I always felt it before
That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me
I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time
I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight
Love youu:)
-Kiera
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