Hello bloggers. I wanna start by apologizing for my extremely rude and innapropriate rant last post. Although everything was very true and I am still extremely angry about all of it-nothing being changed-It was a little mean to call people names so I apologize. Although I'm not apologizing to anyone in specific. Just whomever read this and had to suffer through the reading of my venting. Except for the person that I was talking about. If you read it, I don't apologize because I'm so mad at you I could seriously rip your head off right now. :)
So I've found that when you have true friends, you know that they won't go behind your back telling people crap about you. Or you think you do. I guess I'm just gonna have to keep telling myself that I'll be fine, and that people do love me for who I am. I know it sounds dumb, but Hannah Montanna is totally right when she says nobody's perfect. Nothing is perfect. Things can seem perfect, but in a blink of an eye, something that is so 'perfect' can fall right apart. It a split second.
Think of how much time it takes for a car to swerve to the other side of the rode. What? .2 miliseconds? In those .02 miliseconds a life could be taken. Before I was born, my aunt Julie was in a really bad car accident where a Drunk Driver hit her car head on and totalled the car and really, really hurt her. She's been in the nursing home ever since. She left behind a family...friends...everything. Of course we all still care about her and even though I never met her before she was in the accident, I know she was and still is a wonderful, beautiful person, and I love her even if I've only met her a few times. She's part of my family, and my family means the world to me. To think about that makes me really...wonder. To love someone without even knowing them is such an interesting thought. How many people on this Earth love you without even knowing you? I bet there are more than you think.
So yeah. I guess it's just kind of interesting to think about that.
and something that also really leaves...awe-stricken is the fact that your views of a single person can change within a minute. You can really care about someone, with all your heart, and love everything about them, and then the next minute you look at them and you think...what happened? What kind of a person are you now? You used to be a real genuine person and now look at you. That's not real. Who are you?
I guess that's all I have to say.
-Kiera
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
What can I say?
So you know what makes me mad? When your really good friends with someone, and they just completely stop talking to you. This has happened with 2 of my best friends in one week. Literally, my two best friends. Completely stopped talking to me. I think one of em' has a reason. But it really pisses me off when you do it for no reason whatsoever. Oh or when I tell you about how I'm all depressed because all my friends are ditching me and I feel so dumb and lonely and you tell me you'll always be there for me, and that I don't need to worry because I have you. And then a few days after I tell you this, after you finally regain my trust, and we're friends and everything is all peachy keen, you STOP TALKING TO ME!!! Like I'm some kind of 'threat' or because people tell you you shouldn't talk to me! If you were my real friend you wouldn't give a crap. So you're gonna go and let everyone torture me and just listen to everyone else while I'm sitting here alone with no friends and your sitting on your ass whistling. Why the FREAK would that be okay?! Why is it okay to be my good friend one day and then to go and hurt me again. AGAIN. Two different ways. You can break my heart and then you go and ditch me as a friend too. What am I supposed to do? Because you won't let me talk to you about it, I'm stuck ranting on this stupid blog. And you get to be all happy. While I have to deal with the consequences.
I trusted you once.
Look how that turned out.
We became friends again, and you regained my trust.
You act like your so sorry for hurting me and you apologize nonstop and I think 'Okay, so maybe he's really sorry. We kin' be friends.'
and then you decide, after I finally trust you again, after I'm FINALLY happy again, to go and stop talking to me. Excuse my language but WTF?!?!?!?! You're sposed to be my friend. WTFUNIONNNN.
You know how badly I want to walk up to you and punch you in the face. And then rip someone's hair out? Badly. You've ruined it again, buddy? And I don't know if you can ever make it right again. Because you've played with my heart and my head far too much. and then you don't wanna be friends either. Now you've crossed the line.
-Kiera
I trusted you once.
Look how that turned out.
We became friends again, and you regained my trust.
You act like your so sorry for hurting me and you apologize nonstop and I think 'Okay, so maybe he's really sorry. We kin' be friends.'
and then you decide, after I finally trust you again, after I'm FINALLY happy again, to go and stop talking to me. Excuse my language but WTF?!?!?!?! You're sposed to be my friend. WTFUNIONNNN.
You know how badly I want to walk up to you and punch you in the face. And then rip someone's hair out? Badly. You've ruined it again, buddy? And I don't know if you can ever make it right again. Because you've played with my heart and my head far too much. and then you don't wanna be friends either. Now you've crossed the line.
-Kiera
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
To Make you Feel My Love
Good afternoon, blogger. I realize that I write a lot whenever I'm extremely bored. But I'm a whole lot more confident then I was yesterday. Something that sucks is sometimes you lose people you love because they feel indifferently. Sometimes people are just not for you. I have some great friends, and some friends that are not so great and aren't exactly my friends anymore. It hurts to think about those people not being in my life all of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever. Just because they decided I wasn't worth it anymore. But it makes me think. If they really don't care about my feelings and if I'm happy, which they never have, then they were never really a true friend. So it's their loss, not mine. I'm the one they confided in to tell their darkest secret, and I told mine. But when I asked for advice, I got nothing. My mom said it's just that they aren't good listeners, but I don't think that's it. It's probably that and that they honestly don't give a flying freak about me. But that's okay. I have people that really do care about me and I understand that now.
One of my best friends went through a really bad breakup today. I wanted to slap people when they asked her if she was okay. I didn't ask her, because I've been in that position before, and if someone's crying in school over a dumb boy, DON'T ask them if they're okay! Because they're not. Especially if they're in the situation me or my friend were/are in. Sometimes when your heartbroken, all you can do is tell yourself you'll be okay, quit wishing for the impossible, and let time piece your heart back together. It takes a long time. I'm still not quite myself, but it's not anyone's fault but mine. and I want anyone out there reading this to know that it's okay to cry. To be upset when something like that happens. Whether it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend or just a friend. It's okay to be down. The people who pick you up when your down, when you didn't ask them to, those are the real friends. Those are the people to stick by. and I won't pretend to know what love is. Love is the most complicated thing I've ever experienced, and there's so many forms of it, you probably can't count. And people say love hurts. But that's not the truth. What hurts is losing it. and I've learned to smile through the tears, and remember the things that make me happy. Not the things that make me cry. Another of my best friends, went through a rough breakup with her boyfriend after almost 2 years, and she told me the other night that I've really helped her through it, and that hanging out with me makes it so much easier. Another piece of advice to anyone (if anyone) who is listening. If you know someone who's dealing with a hard time in their life, -t can be anything, breakups are nothing compared to actually losing a loved on- don't try to comfort and ask if they're okay all the time. When they're crying, give them a hug! Don't ask if they're okay, just hug em' and let them say something if something needs to be said. Sometimes all that there is to say is 'You still got me, no matter what.'. And when they're not crying, don't remind them of it! DON'T ask "So how are you dealing with the breakup?" Hang out with them and do something that won't leave moments for them to sit and think. Because thinking is baaad sometimes. They'll get better. Just be the shoulder to cry on, and the goofball to mess around with.
I feel like I'm giving "How-To" steps or something! :P
So, moving onto the next topic. (Yes, I'm very talkative today)
God.
Lately, I haven't been as close to God. I don't know what it is, probably that I'm getting lazy, or the fact that things have distracted me. Thoughts, people, hobbies, whatever it is. But I have no excuse to leave God out of my life at any time, and neither does anyone else. I can't even remember last time I went to youth mass, which is BAD. Okay...I went...when we had Spagetti...I think that was the last time. But I need to go back. Because I have a feeling that I'm feeling so unconfident because I don't have God in my life as much as before. I prayed for awhile last night. Sometimes, it's hard to pray. Sometimes I get bored and my brain wanders. But if I really focus on talking to him...it's like no other feeling in the world. It warms my heart just thinking about it:) Knowing I can talk to someone about absolutely anything and know that it won't swarm around the school like a wild-fire (swam and wildfire...kind of an oxymoron.) I love being who I am. and I know God wants me to accept that. So I will. I can, and I will.
I need to be more confident in myself, and believe that I'm amazing. (but not TOO amazing;) because confidence is key to going far...in practically anything. I can have that confidence. People sometimes tell me stop singing because it's annoying. But what they don't understand is...singing is that one thing that makes me feel...invincible. When I'm singing, I just feel...happy. I love it more than anything in the world. It makes me feel so confident. Because it's really the only thing I'm good at, and I accept that and try my best in everything I do. In colorguard, everyone keeps telling me I suck and I'm not gonna make it. People telling me that I can't, only pushes me to try harder. Because I'm going to prove to those jerks that I can make this, and I'm going to work my butt off at it. I may not be fantastic at it; I'm most definitely not a natural, but I like it and I love finally getting a move right. That's the hard thing about dancing/colorguard, all that jazz...I get singing. It's just a natural ability. Music is my strong point. It always will be. Dancing, I suck at. I'm not a natural, but I know if I work really hard at it, I'll be okay. I'm not gonna let myself suck because people tell me I do. I'm going to rock it, because I can. Because I work hard and because I'm not going to let anyone bring me down. So maybe I'm not a dancer. So maybe I'm not the most beautiful, poised girl in the world! I really don't care if I'm not perfect. I am what I am and what I'm good at is...what I'm good at! The other stuff, I can work with. I have a hard time with dancing...so what? I like to dance. It makes me happy. Not as much as music and singing do...but I do enjoy it, so I'm not going to stop.
Thank you. To anyone who's helped me realize this. :)
(You know who you are. :) )
-Kiera
One of my best friends went through a really bad breakup today. I wanted to slap people when they asked her if she was okay. I didn't ask her, because I've been in that position before, and if someone's crying in school over a dumb boy, DON'T ask them if they're okay! Because they're not. Especially if they're in the situation me or my friend were/are in. Sometimes when your heartbroken, all you can do is tell yourself you'll be okay, quit wishing for the impossible, and let time piece your heart back together. It takes a long time. I'm still not quite myself, but it's not anyone's fault but mine. and I want anyone out there reading this to know that it's okay to cry. To be upset when something like that happens. Whether it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend or just a friend. It's okay to be down. The people who pick you up when your down, when you didn't ask them to, those are the real friends. Those are the people to stick by. and I won't pretend to know what love is. Love is the most complicated thing I've ever experienced, and there's so many forms of it, you probably can't count. And people say love hurts. But that's not the truth. What hurts is losing it. and I've learned to smile through the tears, and remember the things that make me happy. Not the things that make me cry. Another of my best friends, went through a rough breakup with her boyfriend after almost 2 years, and she told me the other night that I've really helped her through it, and that hanging out with me makes it so much easier. Another piece of advice to anyone (if anyone) who is listening. If you know someone who's dealing with a hard time in their life, -t can be anything, breakups are nothing compared to actually losing a loved on- don't try to comfort and ask if they're okay all the time. When they're crying, give them a hug! Don't ask if they're okay, just hug em' and let them say something if something needs to be said. Sometimes all that there is to say is 'You still got me, no matter what.'. And when they're not crying, don't remind them of it! DON'T ask "So how are you dealing with the breakup?" Hang out with them and do something that won't leave moments for them to sit and think. Because thinking is baaad sometimes. They'll get better. Just be the shoulder to cry on, and the goofball to mess around with.
I feel like I'm giving "How-To" steps or something! :P
So, moving onto the next topic. (Yes, I'm very talkative today)
God.
Lately, I haven't been as close to God. I don't know what it is, probably that I'm getting lazy, or the fact that things have distracted me. Thoughts, people, hobbies, whatever it is. But I have no excuse to leave God out of my life at any time, and neither does anyone else. I can't even remember last time I went to youth mass, which is BAD. Okay...I went...when we had Spagetti...I think that was the last time. But I need to go back. Because I have a feeling that I'm feeling so unconfident because I don't have God in my life as much as before. I prayed for awhile last night. Sometimes, it's hard to pray. Sometimes I get bored and my brain wanders. But if I really focus on talking to him...it's like no other feeling in the world. It warms my heart just thinking about it:) Knowing I can talk to someone about absolutely anything and know that it won't swarm around the school like a wild-fire (swam and wildfire...kind of an oxymoron.) I love being who I am. and I know God wants me to accept that. So I will. I can, and I will.
I need to be more confident in myself, and believe that I'm amazing. (but not TOO amazing;) because confidence is key to going far...in practically anything. I can have that confidence. People sometimes tell me stop singing because it's annoying. But what they don't understand is...singing is that one thing that makes me feel...invincible. When I'm singing, I just feel...happy. I love it more than anything in the world. It makes me feel so confident. Because it's really the only thing I'm good at, and I accept that and try my best in everything I do. In colorguard, everyone keeps telling me I suck and I'm not gonna make it. People telling me that I can't, only pushes me to try harder. Because I'm going to prove to those jerks that I can make this, and I'm going to work my butt off at it. I may not be fantastic at it; I'm most definitely not a natural, but I like it and I love finally getting a move right. That's the hard thing about dancing/colorguard, all that jazz...I get singing. It's just a natural ability. Music is my strong point. It always will be. Dancing, I suck at. I'm not a natural, but I know if I work really hard at it, I'll be okay. I'm not gonna let myself suck because people tell me I do. I'm going to rock it, because I can. Because I work hard and because I'm not going to let anyone bring me down. So maybe I'm not a dancer. So maybe I'm not the most beautiful, poised girl in the world! I really don't care if I'm not perfect. I am what I am and what I'm good at is...what I'm good at! The other stuff, I can work with. I have a hard time with dancing...so what? I like to dance. It makes me happy. Not as much as music and singing do...but I do enjoy it, so I'm not going to stop.
Thank you. To anyone who's helped me realize this. :)
(You know who you are. :) )
-Kiera
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Rollin' in the Deep.
There's a fire, starting in my heart. :) I love Adele. and the song I have chosen today for the title of this blog. So today, I chose to be lazy and not put makeup on my face; which means that gives me about an extra half hour in my daily morning routine. I may look like a slobby loser, but I feel fantastic! :P That doesn't mean I'm not ever gonna wear makeup. I may do it one day, but I must shield the world from this horrifying sight of Kiera. :P
So, I am indeed trying out for colorguard. I just thought it'd be something fun to do. Yesterday we learned a bunch of steps and stuff. It's not as hard as show choir at all, but it's not too easy either. I know if I keep practicing I'll get it, and now I'm very determined to make it. Everyone says it's way fun if I make it and I have a lot of friends in it; it'd be cool if I could do this. You never know. Maybe I'll make it. Maybe I won't. we'll see.
So I wrote a song the other night. I'm not going to give you the lyrics for 2 reasons.
1) The lyrics are upstairs in my book and I am L A Z Y!!
2) Honestly, I don't want anyone but me and possibly my sister to see them. Embarrassing:P
So yepp. That's why. Haa. You're just so curious, rigght? Well, too. bad.
Today's a purple day. Which means I have P.E in the morning and I absolutely HATE P.E. But something that REALLY sucks, is the fact that I have to carry my colorguard flag around all day. and it's huge. It's huge compared to me at least. I'm small...kind of. Average for a 14 year old girl I suppose. and this flag is taller than me, and I'm gonna hit people with it and AHH. I'll try. but it's not gonna be easy.
So I just realized how much I've changed this year. In good ways, and bad ways. I just glanced at my school picture this year, that was taken at the beginning of the school year and...wow. Holy different. It's a good picture of me. I look happy. I'm actually wearing the exact same outfit I'm wearing to school today in that picture...'cept I can't find my headband that goes with that outfit and I'm wearing a ponytail and my glasses today. But I am different. I guess I learned how to put makeup on and do my hair and..be a girl. An attempt at pretty. At the Beginning of the school year I was just a dork. A happy dork, that didn't care what the hell anyone thought of her. Now I'm a depressed dork that worries what people think everyday. Hm. Which one's better? :P
Alright, so I'm running out of time and I gotta get ready to walk up to the bus stop in about 3 minutes here. Wish me luck with mah colorguardness;)
I'll update asap.
-Kiera
So, I am indeed trying out for colorguard. I just thought it'd be something fun to do. Yesterday we learned a bunch of steps and stuff. It's not as hard as show choir at all, but it's not too easy either. I know if I keep practicing I'll get it, and now I'm very determined to make it. Everyone says it's way fun if I make it and I have a lot of friends in it; it'd be cool if I could do this. You never know. Maybe I'll make it. Maybe I won't. we'll see.
So I wrote a song the other night. I'm not going to give you the lyrics for 2 reasons.
1) The lyrics are upstairs in my book and I am L A Z Y!!
2) Honestly, I don't want anyone but me and possibly my sister to see them. Embarrassing:P
So yepp. That's why. Haa. You're just so curious, rigght? Well, too. bad.
Today's a purple day. Which means I have P.E in the morning and I absolutely HATE P.E. But something that REALLY sucks, is the fact that I have to carry my colorguard flag around all day. and it's huge. It's huge compared to me at least. I'm small...kind of. Average for a 14 year old girl I suppose. and this flag is taller than me, and I'm gonna hit people with it and AHH. I'll try. but it's not gonna be easy.
So I just realized how much I've changed this year. In good ways, and bad ways. I just glanced at my school picture this year, that was taken at the beginning of the school year and...wow. Holy different. It's a good picture of me. I look happy. I'm actually wearing the exact same outfit I'm wearing to school today in that picture...'cept I can't find my headband that goes with that outfit and I'm wearing a ponytail and my glasses today. But I am different. I guess I learned how to put makeup on and do my hair and..be a girl. An attempt at pretty. At the Beginning of the school year I was just a dork. A happy dork, that didn't care what the hell anyone thought of her. Now I'm a depressed dork that worries what people think everyday. Hm. Which one's better? :P
Alright, so I'm running out of time and I gotta get ready to walk up to the bus stop in about 3 minutes here. Wish me luck with mah colorguardness;)
I'll update asap.
-Kiera
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The First Time.
I realize all the titles of my blogs are also titles of songs. I guess that's kind of ironic in a good way considering music is my life. So...woo. This weekend was quite boring. I went to Jayna's house and we had a good time watching movies, playing nintendo 64 (Mario Party; heck yes!) and making 'recipes' out of Jelly Bellies. Fun stuff:) That was the only exciting part of my weekend. Most of my weekends are boring, unless I'm on a show choir competition. Which I miss so incredibly! My life is so boring with show choir to keep me busy. I miss performing! But I guess I'm just all the more excited about next year. I have a great feeling about next year. We're going to be super good...I hope. We shouldda won this year. Dumb Mount Zion and their 'Magic Box'. So...you know how thinking isn't good for you? Or for me, I'd say. I dunno if I stand by that opinion anymore. Thinking is okay. Sometimes it hurts to realize the truth. Sometimes the truth isn't what you want it to be. But accepting the truth and learning to live with it and hope you'll get over it eventually, just feels better than trying to lie to yourself. It took a long time to realize that. But now I know that I can't lie to myself. Because even if I tell myself what I want to be true, no matter how many times I tell myself that, it's never going to be the truth. and I can't change that. I can't change the facts; the feelings and all the crap I've gone through.
New Subject.
Tomorrow is my parents' 13 year Anniversary. My parents really inspire me. It sounds so dang cheesy, but looking at them makes me believe in love. It's one of the only things that kept me from giving up on love entirely. Because I know one day I'll be happy with someone just like they are with each other. Seeing two people that in love makes me realize that it's real. That I'm not imagining things. Writing in this blog is so hard now. It feels like I've written about everything, you know. But if I have, I'll just keep repeating myself. Sometimes I tell myself I'll be alone forever. I'm too different. No one really sees any little things about me that are beautiful.
So a song just came on that I hate. So Imma go do the dishes. Cuz I can't listen to it anymore. RAWR.
-K i e r a <3
New Subject.
Tomorrow is my parents' 13 year Anniversary. My parents really inspire me. It sounds so dang cheesy, but looking at them makes me believe in love. It's one of the only things that kept me from giving up on love entirely. Because I know one day I'll be happy with someone just like they are with each other. Seeing two people that in love makes me realize that it's real. That I'm not imagining things. Writing in this blog is so hard now. It feels like I've written about everything, you know. But if I have, I'll just keep repeating myself. Sometimes I tell myself I'll be alone forever. I'm too different. No one really sees any little things about me that are beautiful.
So a song just came on that I hate. So Imma go do the dishes. Cuz I can't listen to it anymore. RAWR.
-K i e r a <3
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