Baby, you're a firework!

Happy 4th of July! It's 2:00 in the morning and I really should be going to bed but...ehhh...better not.
So tomorrow I will be turning 17 years old. (the 5th of July, not the 4th). I find it so crazy how fast time flies by. I am going to be a senior in high school this year! It's absolutely crazy. I feel like yesterday I was getting ready to start freshman year and now senior year is coming up so fast. I keep forgetting that when I go to band camp this year, I'll have to serve ice cream (every year they make the seniors serve everyone ice cream at the parent preview) and I'll be one saying "wow this is my last band camp!). It's just...crazy. And thinking about college is even crazier.
Recently I went to Show Choir Camps of America and got a $10,000 scholarship to Milikin University while I was there. Holy crap, that's a LOT of money!! I feel so blessed to be given so many amazing opportunites.
I'm auditioning for "THE VOICE" on July 20th. It doesn't feel real considering last time I auditioned for a reality TV show, it didn't go down too well. Show business is crazy and sometimes a little unfair. I may not have the perfect looks or be America's sweetheart. You know what, all I want to do is perform- so whatever I have to do to make that happen as my career, is gonna happen.
I got new contacts today, and It's really crazy how well I can see everything. I'm still not used to it. I've worn contacts for 2 years now and every year my eyes get waaaay worse. My right eye got 3 steps worse and my left got 1. Okay, I know small-talk. I just thought I would let you know how my day went.
And also, to anyone who cares. Don't ever work at McDonald's if you can't stand rude people. Because some of the customers (especially the ones that come through drive-thru) are so incredibly rude. Everytime I  am taking orders on headset I want to tear my hair out. It is not my fault if your order was bagged wrong, ma'am, I'm just taking the orders. When I say "Welcome back to mcdonalds, I'll be with you in just a moment," That doesn't mean keep talking and it ALSO doesn't mean wait 2 seconds and then say "Are you ready yet?" . Obviously I'm doing something, otherwise I wouldn't make you wait. And if I were you, I wouldn't be rude to the person MAKING YOUR FOOD. You never know what could happen to it.
 Rant over.

On another note, it's the 4th of July!! I think this is definitely my favorite Holiday. Not just because it's the day before my birthday but I just love the feel of the fourth. The fireworks, the constant smell of smoke. The way the sky looks after it's all done, little ghosts of explosions in the night sky. The way everyone is happy together, just for a day. Everyone gets a long. Everyone is actually proud to be American. Or at least from what I've experienced. Everyone comes together today. We forget our differences and we just watch the fireworks and be together and celebrate freedom. I think it's a beautiful holiday. And it's exciting because it's the day before my birthday and I usually get to see fireworks on my birthday too:) It's just my favorite time of the year. July is my favorite month. It's always kind of busy. My birthday, colorguard and band camp, this year I've got All-State show choir AND "The Voice" Auditions on the 20th. I like being busy. I like feeling crazy and always thinking on my feet. It's my life. My crazy, crazy life. And that's the way I always want it to be.
I know the title of this blog has nothing to do with anything I have talked about. I usually just title it and then go from there. I figured I'd be inspired and go all deep on you, but I got nothing tonight. So the title has the word "firework" in it. Perfectly fitting for the fourth.
Well, my mom keeps nagging at me to do some dishes. So I better go do them now.

Until next time,

-Kiera

Show Choir Camps of America!!!

So you might be able to guess what this post is about.
I'm at SHOW CHOIR CAMP!!!!!
Today was the first real day of rehearsals at camp and I'm so pumped for the rest of the week. I'm seriously in bliss right now. I'm in a crappy dorm with barely any air conditioning, but I am in heaven. All the people at this camp are great. Everyone is so friendly, it's completely impossible to not make friends. And a lot of the people here are crazy like I am, so I find people I get along with really well. It's just really awesome and I feel really blessed to be given this opportunity. 2 years in a row on scholarship. It's just awesome and I love it.
I got a callback for the talent show and I'll find out tomorrow if I make it or not. I'm just a little bit excited. :) and nervous!! Ha:) well whatever happens is meant to happen.
I went to a workshop today that really made me think. The clinician, Dina Else, talked about the steps and mindset you have to have to be a successful singer. I am planning on making a career in musical theatre and vocal performance, so I thought it'd be a good opportunity to get some good advice. She had some great things to say.
Here's my favorite quote and new life motto:
"Do not give up the thing you want most for the thing you want now."
I know that my dreams are big. I know I'm asking a lot of myself but I'm optimistic and I feel like that's a good thing. If I can have the determination and self-discipline to make myself a successful singer, I know I can realize those dreams. Sure, it might take a while. And it's gonna take some work. Like the metaphor Dina used today. "Take the stairs, not the escalator" when she showed us a picture of people waiting in a long line for the escalator when the stairs were open. Yes, it's gonna take some more work, but it's the more beneficial decision for you.
I guess I'm just feeling inspirational today.
I just need to keep believing in myself. I think that's gonna be my key thing.
I need to believe in myself, trust in God and do what I love. And I'll get there. I'll work my butt off if I have to but I will get there. One day I am going to be on a big stage singing as another character in front of thousands of people.
That's the dream.
I know I'm crazy. I've accepted that. But I'm gonna make it work-which is a phrase we hear a LOT as performers.
I sure as hell am gonna make it work.

Memories

The sky was the color of cold concrete. The world seemed to be sighing, holding in it's tears until the last possible moment; when it would release a million droplets of cool forgiveness onto the thirsty earth. I shivered as the harsh breeze nipped at my barren shoulder; as my jacket had slipped off of my right shoulder.  My lip quivered as the memories flooded my brain, unforgiving.
Green grass, tall trees. Heartbeat fast, smile folding, arms warm around me. A red T-shirt lying in the too-green grass, reminding me of Christmas.
And another...
Hot concrete, fireworks, county fair. Family laughing, children playing, the sound of a ball bouncing against the concrete.
Warm lips, cool face. Everything was beautiful.
And then...
Cold snow. A broken chain. Lost.
Alone.

And my mind was unforgiving. Always unforgiving of those memories. The good and the bad. The memories that even time cannot erase. No amount of time.
But I am healed. Just not completely whole.

Mother says I'll never be.

*This is kind of a short story thing. I'm not depressed, guys. Don't worry*

Dreams

Everybody says senior year goes by so fast. Mine hasn't even started yet and I'm terrified of what's ahead. I'm terrified and excited and clueless. The future is so scary. I know what my dreams are. I know what I want to do; who I want to be. But I also know it's gonna be hard. And I might not find someone to share that dream with me. That's one of the scariest parts. I always dream of finding some guy who will support my dreams and follow me anywhere to help me reach them. But I honestly do not know if that guy exists. I won't until I meet him. I just don't know if my dream is asking for too much.
I know I've told you all a million times I'm going to perform. And I am. I'm going to work my tail off. I don't care what it takes. But the thing is-I want to be a mom too. And a wife and I want a family. And half of me is scared that all this working towards this dream could affect my chances of meeting someone.
Okay, you're probably thinking Kiera, you're sixteen. You don't need to think about this now. But I really do. I have to decide what I want to do with my life now because later it might be too late.
I don't know if any of you have seen the show SMASH. Well, it's my favorite show and it just got cancelled. The last episode was sunday night:( Well it may sound cheesy but that show has seriously inspired me to follow my dreams. I sound like this crazy girl who wants to be on Broadway and is gonna do whatever it takes to get there. You know, the sterotypical, girl-next-door dreamer. And you know what? I am. I don't care who knows it. That is my dream.

I went and saw The Great Gatsby for the second time tonight with my grandparents and my sister. The first time I saw it in 3D with a friend. Well anyways-Gatsby always gets me thinking. Maybe it's the fact that we studied the book in English class and it's a habit to look into the symbolic side of Gatsby or if I just love the character. He's really inspiring. He's not just some bootlegger in love. He will do absolutely anything to reach his dream. Even before he met Daisy, Gatsby knew he was different and he wasn't about to let any opportunity slip through his hands. Daisy is just the one who made him want to make money so fast. It just kind of shows that dreams-and love- can make you crazy. You'll do anything to get your dream and in Gatsby's case his dream was Daisy. Daisy and nothing more or less. That's just inspiring to me. I want someone to look at me like that. I want to be someone's Daisy.
There I go again. Stereotypical, girl-next-door, dreamer, hopeless romantic. Boy, am I cliche. Well, my sister's bugging me to go watch TV with her so I'll go now. More soon.

-Kiera

You Can Have Manhattan

Haven't posted in a while. It seems like I start every post like that. Well-it's summer. I'm gonna be a senior. And it's just weird. I feel like yesterday I was starting freshman year. And we've only got one year left. It's just too crazy to think about. To think that a year from now I'll be going to college and moving out. I just can't grasp it.
I'm not one of those girls that can't wait to leave home and do whatever I want. I'm not one of those girls who all the boys like, and who someone has a crush on every week. I'm not the girl people in general like. I noticed this the other day when I stood up for myself. Or really-I stated my opinion to someone and everyone laughed at me. They stared at me and laughed. And it actually kinda hurt. Nobody takes me seriously. Honestly, I know I get made fun of a lot. Someone told me the other day that they literally wrote "Kiera is a whore" on the bathroom wall freshman year because he hated me because I sniffled a lot. That kinda made me think too. People are so judging. They don't even give people a chance.
Sometimes I try really hard. To be pretty or smart or...something that makes me stand out. And a lot of the times I just can't. I try to look all cute at school and I end up looking absolutely retarded. The one thing that makes me stand out is my voice
I'm trying out for The Voice this summer. And I don't know what's gonna happen. I probably won't make it. But singing is the only thing I wanna do. I don't love doing anything more than performing. Nothing gives me the same rush. I can't do anything else. I just can't.

Next topic.
Everyone keeps telling me that I'll find a guy someday. I just feel like I won't. Sometimes I really disappoint myself because I'm just...I'm kind of a freak. It's just me. And nobody (besides my friends) really accept that. And I'm not the kinda girl who needs a boy to make me happy. But sometimes it just sucks. My best friend is always having a different guy that likes her or that she likes. Everyone likes her. And then I'm just...there. Nobody looks twice at me. And if they do, they probably don't see anything great. I'm average. That's all ill ever be.