Holaaa!! Still in south Carolina. I really wish we could stay longer than a week. It's so beautiful here. It's rained almost the whole time we've been here and it's still so much better than boring ol' Missouri. I wish I could just move here.
We went bodysurfing as usual today. We've done it everyday we've been here and it's so much fun!! You feel like your flying. Pretty awesome. It's so calming to go to the beach and just walk, especially at night. We went and walked down the beach last night, and it just made me wanna make a music video. Hah!! The waves are unreal. Sleeping in this room at night is like a dream. You can hear the ocean, the waves. It's awesome(:

-Kiera

I hope you dance

The title of this blog is the name of a song I love. And why, you ask? Because at the moment, I am in south Carolina, staying at a beach house that when you look outside, the backyard, is the beach. And in the song the title mentions, some lyrics are "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean" the thing is, I do feel small. I've never felt so small. To think that that ocean stretches on so far it seems like forever. No wonder people used to think the world was square and the ocean dropped off like a cliff. The world is so BIG. I can't help but wonder what's out there for me. People are so different. No one is exactly alike, and its so amazing to think about how many different people there are. How many similarities and differences there really is. And looking at the ocean does make you think twice about your life. Looking out over the waves and the sun and the water that seems to stretch on forever makes you realize a lot. God made that ocean. God is looking down on your right now thinking your beautiful. God forgives every one of us for every horrible sin we've ever committed. That's amazing. I know I always go into mushy God stuff, and i apologize if it makes any readers uncomfortable. But it's my life. Some people argue that God can't be real. "if God were real, why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?" people ask. Two words. Free will. God gave us the power to make whatever we wish of our lives. Whether they be good things, or bad. We must allow ourselves to love God. I don't understand people who don't believe, but I suppose it just because I do know God. I must admit, sometimes I get scared. Smetimes I think...what if God wasn't real? What if when people died, it was just like sleeping--except you...never wake up. Sometimes I'll lay in bed late at night thinking about that. And its really scary. But then I realize that he is there. He's watching over me and he's showing me everyday that one day I will be with him in heaven. He shows me through the world arorund me. Ands it's a beautiful thing.
I'm actually a very self conscious person. And if you've read even one of my blog posts, you already know that. I know I shouldnt be so unconfident. God made me beautiful the way I am, in his image. But...everyone has self confidence issues sometimes. For me, it's more than just every once in a while. I guess In some ways, I'm your average teenage girl. Except I do think differently. My best friend and her mom were discussing this in the car. I am independent and have a different mind than most teens do. I am not a follower. I am a leader. Not that I think I need to lead everyone. I just don't follow trends that I don't believe in. I don't rebel against trends just because everyone likes them, like some in pendant people do. I don't care what everyone things of me. Well, I guess i do care, but I dint care to the extent to change myself for others. I've thught about it. I doubt myself sometimes, and want to change to make people like me more. And then I realize that the people that like me for who I am no now, are the people I want in my lfe. Not the others who want me to change.
Alright I guess that's it for tonight. More sometimes soon hopefully.
Sweet dreams, hooligans(:

-Kiera

You can't spell Beautiful without BE U.

Hello bloggers, readers and extraterrestrial aliens, and welcome to Life in a Fishbowl. Now that, my friends, sounds like the introduction to some cheesy game show. We just need some flashy lights, a ridiculously annoying loud voice and a lot of arm movements and we're all set! So todayyy was a fantastic day. Or should I say yesterday considering it's past midnight. I know, I know, I'm always blogging way past midnight. I always get interrupted during the day. Or I just ramble the whole time and end up not posting the whole thing because it's not long enough. I promise I will post this one, just because I said that. Well...if you're reading this I obviously posted that so I'm pretty much just talking to myself. Well, I talk to myself anyways. No one reads this thing!! :P Alright, enough with the rambling. I had a great day today/yesterday, whatever. You wanna know why...?
I went and took my permit test again. I took it on my birthday and FAILED. Twice. It was a depressing thing you know...I felt like a TARD. and then we went down to the DMV today because we had the car and I took it again and the first time I failed and immediately got up and said I want to take it again. The second time, I sat down and took deep breaths and prayed. It sounds totally cheesy, but I really did this. I sat down, and prayed for the Lord to stay with me, keep me calm and guide me through this. I knew I could do it, I failed the first 3 times because my nerves got the best of me. The stupid computerized version of it is so nerve-wrecking. It tells you after each question if you got it right or not and the stupid computerized voice is on the earphones the whole time which is EXTREMELY annoying. So this time I didn't put the headphones on and after the 4th time taking the test I FINALLY passed it and got my permit! I was so excited. Thank God I never have to take that stupid test again. At least I hope to God I do not. So I got my permit, (and my picture on it actually looks pretty good) and then I got to go see my grandma! My gramma is probably one of my, if not THE, most favorite people in the world. She's so freaking sweet. She's really sick right now and it really worries me, but she went to the doctor about something and her hearts doing a lot better and she's starting to feel a lot better too. I'm really glad. I hated knowing she was lying in the hospital so sickly. I was so happy to see her, and I can't wait to go see her again. She only lives about half an hour away but since we never have the car we never get to go see her and she doesn't like to drive. We don't like her to drive anywhere alone anyways. But I'm gonna make my mom take us more often. My mom wants to see her, sometimes we just...don't go I guess. But my grandma's house is my favorite place in the whole wide world. It's so peaceful and...grandmaey. I've probably mentioned this before though. It's just an amazing place to be.
This week is fair week and about a million people have begged me to go to the fair with them this week. I hate being poor. I'm trying to save up for my car. Me and mom were talking about it on the way home from Gramma's today and since I'm 15 now, I'm gonna try and get a job. It's gonna be hard considering we only have one car and I'd have to take the night shift of everything but...I think I could do it. If I try really hard to find one. I just want some money. I want to be able to have a car and It's my goal to get one when I turn 16, or at least WHEN I am 16. Imma work HARD for this. I'll work every night if I have to. I want a CAR.
Alrighty so...I really don't have anymore to say. I'll write soon though. I like filling myself in with my life, even though I'm probably the most boring person in the universe. Hey, I can vent. :P

Au Revoir(:

-Kiera

Turning Tables

You know that moment when you only see all the little things around you? Like the tiny creases under your little brothers eyes when he smiles, or the way the sunlight bounces off the leaves on the trees? Or the sound of the wind when everyone only hears the loudness of a marching band and the marching of feet on the hot summer concrete? The little things are what matter the most.
Today I was in a parade. For Marching band. I'm not in band and I don't play an instrument. I am in colorguard. Yep. Flag twirlers. But I would never ever actually call colorguard flagtwirlers because most of us get offended by that. "Flag twirlers" is such an understatement. I've worked my butt off in colorguard. It's really hard to try and make everything you do perfect and precise. It was over 100 degrees outside today and we had to march a really long time while doing our routine and it was not fun. I honestly thought I was having a heat stroke when we got back to the high school. I was so hot, that I started getting shivers. Definitely not cool. With the exception of the heat, though, it was a pretty good day. It was really nice to be able to see my friends again and to participate in something 'school-wide' or whatever you'd call it. I really do enjoy colorguard and I'm really glad I tried out. I didn't think I'd make it, because I absolutely, positively SCREWED UP my audition, but I did and I guess it's because our director or coach or...whatever- knows that I work hard. I work something until I get it; no exceptions. That's how I made it through Show Choir and that's how I'm making it through Colorguard. At first, I hated it, but now that I'm starting to get the hang of things, I really enjoy it. But I'm going to have to miss a whole week of learning our entire Marching Band show choreography and then I'm gonna hate it all over again. But once I get it I know it'll be way worth it.
I'm going on Vacation to South Carolina in a few weeks. We're leaving on the 23rd I think. I'm excited to spend some time with the family. Get away from this hicktown..:P I've only seen the ocean once and it was so cold it was kinda hard to really enjoy it. This time It'll be hotter hopefully...:P My dad said he'll learn to surf with me. That'd be cool, but it's really dangerous. I told him I'd do it, but I'm probably gonna freak out.
I really hope this upcoming school year is fun. I have a good feeling about it, but...sometimes I wonder.
I get really, really self-conscious sometimes. Lately I just...look in the mirror and I'm not happy with what I see. I try so hard but...it never seems to do anything. I guess I just have to be myself. People just have to accept that. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough, and I shouldn't even try. I'm an okay singer and I post videos on youtube...but no one really watches them. It makes me feel like an idiot for trying. People always tell me how talented I am, but...I just don't believe them. I'm not that good. I'm just...average. I wish I could be something more than average. I hate when people get so annoyed by the fact that I sing all the time. I guess singing is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself, and I really don't want that to go away. I love it. And I don't just do it because people tell me I'm good at it. I truly love singing and I would never stop. Just sometimes I feel so dumb. I tried out for X-Factor and I didn't even make it past the first round. If I can see, I wish someone would tell me what I can fix so I CAN fix it. So I don't feel like an idiot. So that I believe that I'm great. I dunno. I guess it's just like that lately. I'm not depressed. I'm a pretty happy person. I have great friends and family and I have a good life. I wish I could believe in myself.


Song of the Day: Turning Tables-Adele


-Kiera