Turning Tables

You know that moment when you only see all the little things around you? Like the tiny creases under your little brothers eyes when he smiles, or the way the sunlight bounces off the leaves on the trees? Or the sound of the wind when everyone only hears the loudness of a marching band and the marching of feet on the hot summer concrete? The little things are what matter the most.
Today I was in a parade. For Marching band. I'm not in band and I don't play an instrument. I am in colorguard. Yep. Flag twirlers. But I would never ever actually call colorguard flagtwirlers because most of us get offended by that. "Flag twirlers" is such an understatement. I've worked my butt off in colorguard. It's really hard to try and make everything you do perfect and precise. It was over 100 degrees outside today and we had to march a really long time while doing our routine and it was not fun. I honestly thought I was having a heat stroke when we got back to the high school. I was so hot, that I started getting shivers. Definitely not cool. With the exception of the heat, though, it was a pretty good day. It was really nice to be able to see my friends again and to participate in something 'school-wide' or whatever you'd call it. I really do enjoy colorguard and I'm really glad I tried out. I didn't think I'd make it, because I absolutely, positively SCREWED UP my audition, but I did and I guess it's because our director or coach or...whatever- knows that I work hard. I work something until I get it; no exceptions. That's how I made it through Show Choir and that's how I'm making it through Colorguard. At first, I hated it, but now that I'm starting to get the hang of things, I really enjoy it. But I'm going to have to miss a whole week of learning our entire Marching Band show choreography and then I'm gonna hate it all over again. But once I get it I know it'll be way worth it.
I'm going on Vacation to South Carolina in a few weeks. We're leaving on the 23rd I think. I'm excited to spend some time with the family. Get away from this hicktown..:P I've only seen the ocean once and it was so cold it was kinda hard to really enjoy it. This time It'll be hotter hopefully...:P My dad said he'll learn to surf with me. That'd be cool, but it's really dangerous. I told him I'd do it, but I'm probably gonna freak out.
I really hope this upcoming school year is fun. I have a good feeling about it, but...sometimes I wonder.
I get really, really self-conscious sometimes. Lately I just...look in the mirror and I'm not happy with what I see. I try so hard but...it never seems to do anything. I guess I just have to be myself. People just have to accept that. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough, and I shouldn't even try. I'm an okay singer and I post videos on youtube...but no one really watches them. It makes me feel like an idiot for trying. People always tell me how talented I am, but...I just don't believe them. I'm not that good. I'm just...average. I wish I could be something more than average. I hate when people get so annoyed by the fact that I sing all the time. I guess singing is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself, and I really don't want that to go away. I love it. And I don't just do it because people tell me I'm good at it. I truly love singing and I would never stop. Just sometimes I feel so dumb. I tried out for X-Factor and I didn't even make it past the first round. If I can see, I wish someone would tell me what I can fix so I CAN fix it. So I don't feel like an idiot. So that I believe that I'm great. I dunno. I guess it's just like that lately. I'm not depressed. I'm a pretty happy person. I have great friends and family and I have a good life. I wish I could believe in myself.


Song of the Day: Turning Tables-Adele


-Kiera