Memories

The sky was the color of cold concrete. The world seemed to be sighing, holding in it's tears until the last possible moment; when it would release a million droplets of cool forgiveness onto the thirsty earth. I shivered as the harsh breeze nipped at my barren shoulder; as my jacket had slipped off of my right shoulder.  My lip quivered as the memories flooded my brain, unforgiving.
Green grass, tall trees. Heartbeat fast, smile folding, arms warm around me. A red T-shirt lying in the too-green grass, reminding me of Christmas.
And another...
Hot concrete, fireworks, county fair. Family laughing, children playing, the sound of a ball bouncing against the concrete.
Warm lips, cool face. Everything was beautiful.
And then...
Cold snow. A broken chain. Lost.
Alone.

And my mind was unforgiving. Always unforgiving of those memories. The good and the bad. The memories that even time cannot erase. No amount of time.
But I am healed. Just not completely whole.

Mother says I'll never be.

*This is kind of a short story thing. I'm not depressed, guys. Don't worry*

Dreams

Everybody says senior year goes by so fast. Mine hasn't even started yet and I'm terrified of what's ahead. I'm terrified and excited and clueless. The future is so scary. I know what my dreams are. I know what I want to do; who I want to be. But I also know it's gonna be hard. And I might not find someone to share that dream with me. That's one of the scariest parts. I always dream of finding some guy who will support my dreams and follow me anywhere to help me reach them. But I honestly do not know if that guy exists. I won't until I meet him. I just don't know if my dream is asking for too much.
I know I've told you all a million times I'm going to perform. And I am. I'm going to work my tail off. I don't care what it takes. But the thing is-I want to be a mom too. And a wife and I want a family. And half of me is scared that all this working towards this dream could affect my chances of meeting someone.
Okay, you're probably thinking Kiera, you're sixteen. You don't need to think about this now. But I really do. I have to decide what I want to do with my life now because later it might be too late.
I don't know if any of you have seen the show SMASH. Well, it's my favorite show and it just got cancelled. The last episode was sunday night:( Well it may sound cheesy but that show has seriously inspired me to follow my dreams. I sound like this crazy girl who wants to be on Broadway and is gonna do whatever it takes to get there. You know, the sterotypical, girl-next-door dreamer. And you know what? I am. I don't care who knows it. That is my dream.

I went and saw The Great Gatsby for the second time tonight with my grandparents and my sister. The first time I saw it in 3D with a friend. Well anyways-Gatsby always gets me thinking. Maybe it's the fact that we studied the book in English class and it's a habit to look into the symbolic side of Gatsby or if I just love the character. He's really inspiring. He's not just some bootlegger in love. He will do absolutely anything to reach his dream. Even before he met Daisy, Gatsby knew he was different and he wasn't about to let any opportunity slip through his hands. Daisy is just the one who made him want to make money so fast. It just kind of shows that dreams-and love- can make you crazy. You'll do anything to get your dream and in Gatsby's case his dream was Daisy. Daisy and nothing more or less. That's just inspiring to me. I want someone to look at me like that. I want to be someone's Daisy.
There I go again. Stereotypical, girl-next-door, dreamer, hopeless romantic. Boy, am I cliche. Well, my sister's bugging me to go watch TV with her so I'll go now. More soon.

-Kiera

You Can Have Manhattan

Haven't posted in a while. It seems like I start every post like that. Well-it's summer. I'm gonna be a senior. And it's just weird. I feel like yesterday I was starting freshman year. And we've only got one year left. It's just too crazy to think about. To think that a year from now I'll be going to college and moving out. I just can't grasp it.
I'm not one of those girls that can't wait to leave home and do whatever I want. I'm not one of those girls who all the boys like, and who someone has a crush on every week. I'm not the girl people in general like. I noticed this the other day when I stood up for myself. Or really-I stated my opinion to someone and everyone laughed at me. They stared at me and laughed. And it actually kinda hurt. Nobody takes me seriously. Honestly, I know I get made fun of a lot. Someone told me the other day that they literally wrote "Kiera is a whore" on the bathroom wall freshman year because he hated me because I sniffled a lot. That kinda made me think too. People are so judging. They don't even give people a chance.
Sometimes I try really hard. To be pretty or smart or...something that makes me stand out. And a lot of the times I just can't. I try to look all cute at school and I end up looking absolutely retarded. The one thing that makes me stand out is my voice
I'm trying out for The Voice this summer. And I don't know what's gonna happen. I probably won't make it. But singing is the only thing I wanna do. I don't love doing anything more than performing. Nothing gives me the same rush. I can't do anything else. I just can't.

Next topic.
Everyone keeps telling me that I'll find a guy someday. I just feel like I won't. Sometimes I really disappoint myself because I'm just...I'm kind of a freak. It's just me. And nobody (besides my friends) really accept that. And I'm not the kinda girl who needs a boy to make me happy. But sometimes it just sucks. My best friend is always having a different guy that likes her or that she likes. Everyone likes her. And then I'm just...there. Nobody looks twice at me. And if they do, they probably don't see anything great. I'm average. That's all ill ever be.