Praying for Sage

So one of my friends from guard, Sage Smith was in a serious car accident a week from today. She lost control of the car and ran into a tree and she has even in the ICU In a coma since. If anyone is reading this, please, please find a place in your prayers for this girl. She is beautiful and strong and always has a smile on her face. Sage and I have never been best friends, but she's been in guard and I've had classes with her. She's a remarkable huma being and I don't care your beliefs...keep this amazing woman in your thoughts. Reading all these posts that her dad writes on Caringbridge.com makes me think a lot. This all happened in the blink of an eye. I can only hope and pray that Sage will be the same Sage that he was before anyone heard the words 'Sage' and 'accident' in the same sentence. And even if she is, I will still love her. Even if she isnt the same person, I will support her in everything that she does and every part of who she is. It's hard seeing someone every week (twice a week) and hearing about an accident like this over Facebook and not know if this wonderful person would be okay. I know God is taking care of her and watching over her. She will pull through this. Sage is a trooper. When I read the caring bridge post, her dad writes it as if it is in her perspective. It's beautiful. It is very happy just like her. And sad because I miss seeing that smile. I know we weren't BFFs. But when her dad posted a post that said something about Colorguard and whether people would love her if she couldn't twirl a flag or toss one or do Colorguard...it just hit me. It's Sage and...it's crazy. I realize how Colorguard camp has felt without her. I really am praying.
God,
Please help Sage pull through this. I ask that you are with her family and friends and especially her. And that she continues to be herself through all of this. I pray that she continues to stay strong and get through this like I know she can. I thank you for blessing me with being able to meet someone like Sage, and giving me the opportunity of having her in my life. I pray that I may continue to have this remarkable girl be a part of my life, and that she may continue to allow me to be a part of hers.
I ask all of you reading this...
Before you lay your head down on that pillow. Before you close your eyes and sleep easily. Before you forget everything you just read on this post. Think of Sage. Lying in that hospital bed. Think of her family. Constantly awaiting news. Pray for her. Be with her. Sage deserves it. And she deserves so much more.
Please. Pray for Sage.

-Kiera

Live in the Moment.

So this week has been pretty hectic. I'm in Colorguard (if you don't know what that is--it's the flags and rifles that do choreography in marching band) and all week week have Colorguard camp. Which pretty much means that from everyday, from 8AM to 5PM (with an hour break for lunch) learning the entire matching band show. It's pretty intense and I don't think I've ever been so sore in my life.although it has sucked, it's actually taught me a lesson already. In your first year of color guard, you are only allowed to do flag work, and your second year you can audition to be on rifle as well as flag. I made rifle this year and it's a lot more challenging than flag is. I've been getting really frustrated because I don't get it as fast as the other people who are on rifles. I kept wanting to give up and just say screw it. But I knew I couldn't do that because that would mean letting my team down. I got really angry at myself today but i was lucky enough to have a friend who is patient enough and doesn't judge me for being a slow learner. Sometimes I just feel really stupid because I don't get it as fast as everyone else. It's the same story for show choir choreography. This may be my 3rd year, but I still get confused and take a while to learn it. So sometimes I look around and see it clicking for everyone else and feel like the biggest, slowest idiot in the room. But I'm starting to understand that I'm just not the same as everyone else. I'll just have to work a little harder than some people who it comes easier to. I've worked on the rifle stuff a lot and I'm getting better...my point is. You can't just say screw it. If you want something bad enough, you have to really work for it. If you work hard enough, eventually it will come to you. Not always. Sometimes it doesn't woe out perfectly but working hard on something always makes the end product more successful. And another point...don't get caught up in the future or the past. Don't think you will never get something or that you messed something up that you will never get over it. It's okay to be upset about something that happened in the past r be scared about the future. But you just have to face it. Live in the moment. Don't concentrate too much on the past or future. Concentrate on the right now. It's a gift. That's why is called the present.

Waiting...

Good morning! I like this whole phone-having-Internet thing. :) so...today isnt going to be a very happy post. My grandma is in the hospital. She has heart problems and goes to the hospital a lot for this but this time is very bad. She's had to have her heart shocked 3 other times before today Today she will be getting it shocked. Ever since my mom told me about my grandmothers condition I've bee horribly worried and really...scared. If anyone is reading this...I ask you to please keep my grandma in your prayers. Her name is Patricia House and she is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She's the most 'grandma-y' person you will ever meet. She makes the best chocolate chip cookies and she always has candy to give us. Her house is my favorite place in the world. She can always make me feel better. When my first boyfriend broke up with me and I happened to be at grandmas house, she tried so hard to get me to stop crying. I really appreciate your prayers, if anyone is listening. I'm in tears writing this. I'm terrified. Please pray that she will be okay. Maybe even one day she'll come to my wedding.
On another note. I suck at relationships. I mean SUCK at them. I've only been in two...(which shows how horrible and undesirable I am) but both of them have ended because I suck at them. And I kinda just want to give up. I think I've been waiting for something to happen...and it's never gonna happen. I get my hopes up so easily. It's hard. But sometimes things you want aren't what someone else does. There's this guy that I think I might like (I suck at admitting I like someone). Hes a really, really good guy. He writes his own songs and wants me to sing with him in a coffee shop. It seems almost too good to be true. And then comes my trust issues. I'm assuming there must be something wrong with this guy when I know there isn't. I guess I've just been lied to a lot. With only two relationships, you may think that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not 'super experienced' heck, I haven't even made out with a boy and I'm gonna be a junior. Granted, I don't care about being 'experienced'. The thing I'm looking for in a relationship is...feeling something. A relationship where when he texts me I get butterflies and when I see him I cant help but smile. I guess when I entered my 2nd relationship I assumed it would be like that. You can't make yourself love someone. I have learned that. Love is not planned. (well, God plans it. You can plan it). It's so beautiful and spontaneous and...I just want someone who makes me really...happy. I feel like I haven't been happy in a very long time. The only place where I still feel that feeling of 'heart-butterflies' is onstage. I truly do. When I'm singing a song I tear up a lot. Especially if it's a very passionate one. And sometimes when I'm praying, God gives me heart butterflies. It's just amazing that he can love me even though I have made so many mistakes and disappointed him.
So I've decided I'm going to stop my waiting. I'd be waiting forever. I haven't told anyone about my waiting-I don't think I've even admitted it to myself-and I think it's time for me to realize that I'm waiting for something that will never happen. And waiting hurts. So I think I will stop. :)

Keep grandma in your prayers. Patricia House. It means the world to me and my family.


-Kiera

Long Way Home

So for color guard we were supposed to march in the parade with the whole marching band today. But they cancelled it because the heat index is too high. Whateverrr. I wanted to march:(
The song of the day is Long Way home by Steven Curtis Chapman. Sometimes I don't feel as close to God as I used to. It makes me feel really guilty. I make really dumb decisions sometimes and sometimes I say things that make me feel like a horrible person. I guess that's just God's way of testing me. Of showing me that I have the choice to make these decisions or to follow his ways. Sometimes the bad stuff is so tempting. But i try really hard to do the right thing. And people sometimes tease me about being a "goody goody". I have never been to a party with alcohol. Ive never drank(unless you count the wine at church). I have never smoked or done drugs or any of that stuff. People tell me I'm so naive and that I don't know what I'm talking about because I haven't experienced any of these things. If I don't want to make these decisions, I won't. It's my decision to make, not for others to judge. And most of the decisions I have made, I will stand by. I believe in what I believe in.

I still have something beautiful to give.

This iPhone is nice. I can blog whenever I want now! :) I can post more often! Not that anyone reads em. So I had a bunch of friends come over for my birthday and we had a lot of fun. We told scary stories and stuff. So I got a bunch of birthday money, and I bought an otter box for my phone, and an iTunes gift card. I love it. I got a bunch of new songs. :) I could sit I iTunes and buy new songs forever and never get bored(until I had all the songs...)
So have you ever felt unwanted? There's this song that recently I've been in love with called "Secondhand White Baby Grand" . Its from the show SMASH, and it's beautiful. The lyrics are so relatable to me. It's about a piano, and how although it's old ad passed down from generation to generation, it's still beautiful and has pushed through all the hard times. How even though it has been used by many people, it still gives that beautiful sound to every person that plays it. I guess I can relate to to it because lately I've felt really unwanted-everywhere. Like no one will ever think I am good enough for them. In many way. Like no matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough. Sometimes when I try for something and fail, I just feel like I'm not good enough for anything. I guess you could say I am very hard on myself. As you might know, I'm a performer. It's my life. A stage is truly the only place I feel like I belong. It's the only place that I am sure of myself and that I never second guess myself. When I am onstage I feel absolutely invincible. I can't exactly explain the feeling...but it's amazing. And so I sing a lot. Well people sometimes tell me they are tired of my voice or of hearing me sing. Its probably the worst thing someone could say to me. My voice is...me. I know it shouldn't define who I am, but sometimes I feel like it does. To most people I'm "the girl with the voice". I want to inspire people. Anyways. Off subject (I do that a lot). That song-secondhand white baby grand-inspires me because although I'm only sixteen, people have hurt me and I've been through a lot. My voice may have been used a lot...Ive gotten solos and stuff. And I don't want to lose the feeling of being onstage. I don't want people to get tired of me and toss me to the side like a magazine after someones read every page. I have more to give. I'm not just a singer. I'm a person with so many quirks and things about me. No one really stops to get to know me. I have so much to give. I don't want people to be done with me yet. My time to shine can't be over yet...I don't want to fade away. Although people have used me, broke me...left me crying myself to sleep every night. I still pull through. Even when I'm battered and broken inside...I "can still make a pretty sound" <---line from song- I ca still put a smile on my face even though I want to cry. I can laugh at the little things instead of crying about them. I don't want to be the dusty old piano in someone's attic. I still have something beautiful to give.

Sweet Sixteen?

So...haven't posted in a while. Today is officially my sixteenth birthday. It's about 12:30 so it's only been my birthday for half an hour. But still. I'm sixteen years of age now:) I don't feel any different. Or look any different. I'm just a year older. My parents got me an iPhone for my birthday!! I'm using it right now, actually. It has Internet and everything. I realize how incredibly blessed I am. I have amazing friends that text me at midnight on my birthday. I have parents that love me so much. I'm just really blessed. And I have a relationship with God. I'm just very, very, VERY lucky. ❤ thank you, Lord. For giving me the absolutely beautiful life I am living today. It's been a great sixteen years. And I realize all the days spent crying and feeling bad for myself...teach me a lesson. I'm a bigger person now. And I am proud of that person that I am.