This iPhone is nice. I can blog whenever I want now! :) I can post more often! Not that anyone reads em. So I had a bunch of friends come over for my birthday and we had a lot of fun. We told scary stories and stuff. So I got a bunch of birthday money, and I bought an otter box for my phone, and an iTunes gift card. I love it. I got a bunch of new songs. :) I could sit I iTunes and buy new songs forever and never get bored(until I had all the songs...)
So have you ever felt unwanted? There's this song that recently I've been in love with called "Secondhand White Baby Grand" . Its from the show SMASH, and it's beautiful. The lyrics are so relatable to me. It's about a piano, and how although it's old ad passed down from generation to generation, it's still beautiful and has pushed through all the hard times. How even though it has been used by many people, it still gives that beautiful sound to every person that plays it. I guess I can relate to to it because lately I've felt really unwanted-everywhere. Like no one will ever think I am good enough for them. In many way. Like no matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough. Sometimes when I try for something and fail, I just feel like I'm not good enough for anything. I guess you could say I am very hard on myself. As you might know, I'm a performer. It's my life. A stage is truly the only place I feel like I belong. It's the only place that I am sure of myself and that I never second guess myself. When I am onstage I feel absolutely invincible. I can't exactly explain the feeling...but it's amazing. And so I sing a lot. Well people sometimes tell me they are tired of my voice or of hearing me sing. Its probably the worst thing someone could say to me. My voice is...me. I know it shouldn't define who I am, but sometimes I feel like it does. To most people I'm "the girl with the voice". I want to inspire people. Anyways. Off subject (I do that a lot). That song-secondhand white baby grand-inspires me because although I'm only sixteen, people have hurt me and I've been through a lot. My voice may have been used a lot...Ive gotten solos and stuff. And I don't want to lose the feeling of being onstage. I don't want people to get tired of me and toss me to the side like a magazine after someones read every page. I have more to give. I'm not just a singer. I'm a person with so many quirks and things about me. No one really stops to get to know me. I have so much to give. I don't want people to be done with me yet. My time to shine can't be over yet...I don't want to fade away. Although people have used me, broke me...left me crying myself to sleep every night. I still pull through. Even when I'm battered and broken inside...I "can still make a pretty sound" <---line from song- I ca still put a smile on my face even though I want to cry. I can laugh at the little things instead of crying about them. I don't want to be the dusty old piano in someone's attic. I still have something beautiful to give.
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