Good afternoon, blogger. I realize that I write a lot whenever I'm extremely bored. But I'm a whole lot more confident then I was yesterday. Something that sucks is sometimes you lose people you love because they feel indifferently. Sometimes people are just not for you. I have some great friends, and some friends that are not so great and aren't exactly my friends anymore. It hurts to think about those people not being in my life all of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever. Just because they decided I wasn't worth it anymore. But it makes me think. If they really don't care about my feelings and if I'm happy, which they never have, then they were never really a true friend. So it's their loss, not mine. I'm the one they confided in to tell their darkest secret, and I told mine. But when I asked for advice, I got nothing. My mom said it's just that they aren't good listeners, but I don't think that's it. It's probably that and that they honestly don't give a flying freak about me. But that's okay. I have people that really do care about me and I understand that now.
One of my best friends went through a really bad breakup today. I wanted to slap people when they asked her if she was okay. I didn't ask her, because I've been in that position before, and if someone's crying in school over a dumb boy, DON'T ask them if they're okay! Because they're not. Especially if they're in the situation me or my friend were/are in. Sometimes when your heartbroken, all you can do is tell yourself you'll be okay, quit wishing for the impossible, and let time piece your heart back together. It takes a long time. I'm still not quite myself, but it's not anyone's fault but mine. and I want anyone out there reading this to know that it's okay to cry. To be upset when something like that happens. Whether it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend or just a friend. It's okay to be down. The people who pick you up when your down, when you didn't ask them to, those are the real friends. Those are the people to stick by. and I won't pretend to know what love is. Love is the most complicated thing I've ever experienced, and there's so many forms of it, you probably can't count. And people say love hurts. But that's not the truth. What hurts is losing it. and I've learned to smile through the tears, and remember the things that make me happy. Not the things that make me cry. Another of my best friends, went through a rough breakup with her boyfriend after almost 2 years, and she told me the other night that I've really helped her through it, and that hanging out with me makes it so much easier. Another piece of advice to anyone (if anyone) who is listening. If you know someone who's dealing with a hard time in their life, -t can be anything, breakups are nothing compared to actually losing a loved on- don't try to comfort and ask if they're okay all the time. When they're crying, give them a hug! Don't ask if they're okay, just hug em' and let them say something if something needs to be said. Sometimes all that there is to say is 'You still got me, no matter what.'. And when they're not crying, don't remind them of it! DON'T ask "So how are you dealing with the breakup?" Hang out with them and do something that won't leave moments for them to sit and think. Because thinking is baaad sometimes. They'll get better. Just be the shoulder to cry on, and the goofball to mess around with.
I feel like I'm giving "How-To" steps or something! :P
So, moving onto the next topic. (Yes, I'm very talkative today)
God.
Lately, I haven't been as close to God. I don't know what it is, probably that I'm getting lazy, or the fact that things have distracted me. Thoughts, people, hobbies, whatever it is. But I have no excuse to leave God out of my life at any time, and neither does anyone else. I can't even remember last time I went to youth mass, which is BAD. Okay...I went...when we had Spagetti...I think that was the last time. But I need to go back. Because I have a feeling that I'm feeling so unconfident because I don't have God in my life as much as before. I prayed for awhile last night. Sometimes, it's hard to pray. Sometimes I get bored and my brain wanders. But if I really focus on talking to him...it's like no other feeling in the world. It warms my heart just thinking about it:) Knowing I can talk to someone about absolutely anything and know that it won't swarm around the school like a wild-fire (swam and wildfire...kind of an oxymoron.) I love being who I am. and I know God wants me to accept that. So I will. I can, and I will.
I need to be more confident in myself, and believe that I'm amazing. (but not TOO amazing;) because confidence is key to going far...in practically anything. I can have that confidence. People sometimes tell me stop singing because it's annoying. But what they don't understand is...singing is that one thing that makes me feel...invincible. When I'm singing, I just feel...happy. I love it more than anything in the world. It makes me feel so confident. Because it's really the only thing I'm good at, and I accept that and try my best in everything I do. In colorguard, everyone keeps telling me I suck and I'm not gonna make it. People telling me that I can't, only pushes me to try harder. Because I'm going to prove to those jerks that I can make this, and I'm going to work my butt off at it. I may not be fantastic at it; I'm most definitely not a natural, but I like it and I love finally getting a move right. That's the hard thing about dancing/colorguard, all that jazz...I get singing. It's just a natural ability. Music is my strong point. It always will be. Dancing, I suck at. I'm not a natural, but I know if I work really hard at it, I'll be okay. I'm not gonna let myself suck because people tell me I do. I'm going to rock it, because I can. Because I work hard and because I'm not going to let anyone bring me down. So maybe I'm not a dancer. So maybe I'm not the most beautiful, poised girl in the world! I really don't care if I'm not perfect. I am what I am and what I'm good at is...what I'm good at! The other stuff, I can work with. I have a hard time with dancing...so what? I like to dance. It makes me happy. Not as much as music and singing do...but I do enjoy it, so I'm not going to stop.
Thank you. To anyone who's helped me realize this. :)
(You know who you are. :) )
-Kiera
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