Have you ever felt one minute, your the winner of some fantabulous prize, and your ready to show it off to world, and then all of a sudden, someone takes it away from you. They need to polish it for a week or two, but it'll be back. So you've won, but now your losing everything you once had. Which isn't really a good feeling. I dunno where the heck my life is going, but I know I believe in fate. And if fate wants to send me on some wild ride...so be it. For now, though, I'm pretty happy. I'm blessed to have what I have. Yeah, I'm afraid of losing it. More of afraid than I've ever been. But I guess that's part of life too. To really appreciate what you have, one moment of thinking your going to lose it, scaring you to death, makes you love it all the more. Whether it be a person...or a blanket or...maybe an emotion. Sometimes there's gonna be bumps on the road. Sometimes you're gonna feel completely alone. Believe me. One of the worst feelings in the world is laying in bed awake, alone, feeling like the darkness is gonna eat you alive and just crying because you can. Because you've got nothing better to do. Because you're scared. But it's only natural for one to be scared. It's God-Given emotion. Everything happens for a reason. God didn't send you this perfect guy for no reason. He didn't give you a great family, or maybe a bad one, for no reason. God knew exactly what you're doing right now...a million years from today. Everything is meant to be, and we can't change that. Let your life take its own path. But no, that doesn't mean sit around and wait for things to happen. You wanna go out on a date? You make it happen. You wanna change the world? Go for it! Truly, I believe that we can anything if we set our hearts to it. Man was made in the image of God. No, I'm not being sexist. I mean man by the whole human race. I am a woman afterall. Anyways...God can do anything, right? Anything. Just imagine all the possibilities you've been given! You can do anything! Do what makes you happy, even if sometimes people are telling are telling you not to. Follow your heart. Do whats right. Be confident in yourself! Telling yourself your ugly and fat and other mean words...that's kind of insulting God. God created you and believes with everything that you are beautiful in every way. In his eyes, you're perfect. You may be saying 'perfection is impossible' or 'nobody's perfect'. Hannah Montanna does have a point. But I don't think she looked deep enough. Perfect doesn't mean flawless. Of course, if you look up 'perfect' in the dictionary that'll probably be one of that adjectives. Perfect to me...is...something or someone that makes you happy. That...you know could hurt you, or maybe even has, but you trust them not to. Because you love them. And God loves everyone of us. Something that surprised me was...I was told that no matter how horrible your life was, you could've killed a million people, and been completely sorry for it, and gone to heaven. God is so..forgiving. If someone killed your entire family, would you forgive them? Most people wouldn't. But God does. There are some...crazy people in the world. Wierd, strange, different, unique, odd, perfect. God believe that...those killers even. In his eyes, they are perfect. They may have made insane mistakes, but they are his, and he loves them.
And that is something we all should keep in mind. When you make a mistake, be sorry. But don't just 'say' your sorry. Be SORRY. Really. Really sorry. I know sometimes you wanna just..run away from it all. Be alone for a little bit. That's okay. In that alone time you got...PRAY.
It's okay to cry, to get angry, to be so happy that you could just...keel over and be happy because you've lived a good life. It's okay. When life is full of darkness, just remember...God is always there. And if you need a friend, God is the best one. It may not seem like he's talking back, but he really is. I may sound crazy when I say this but...I've had a few...experiences.
It was a few months ago and I was sleeping on my top bunk, and praying. And it was one of those nights where I just talked and talked and talked for like an hour...just about everything. And then I thought..is he really listening? Why am I important? I've got a good life...why should he listen to me? and then I just...asked him. for something..anything. To show me that he was listening. That he was there...
and I looked up at my ceiling...and there was a reflection of the bible. On my ceiling. I didn't even have a bible in the room. But it wasn't...scary. It was probably one of the happiest moments of my life.
And then, last month. I went to a church conference called 'Stuebenville.' It was life changing. If you've heard of it, or even haven't. I really, really insist that you go. It was amazing. Even if your not Catholic. It was spectacular. I came home wanting to teach everyone of my siblings about God. They had Adoration. If you don't know what that is, its when Priest brings in a really...fancy cross (I'm not very good at explaining this). Its gold and just beautiful. The priest puts the Eucarist inside of it. It's called the Monstrance. Well anyways, he brings it in and this whole time we're singing songs and smiling and just...you get really close to people. You forget about everything you left back home and just...you really smile. Some people cried...I remember one of my best friends sat next to me and crying so hard...it kind of made me want to cry, you know? When someone's crying it kind of makes you want to cry too? I dunno...I really didn't though. I didn't have anything to cry about. Because my life is good...I'm close to God. I would say so. But there was so many moments that were just so powerful. Everyone there wasn't afraid to stand up in the middle of a crowd of 3,000 people and just lift their arms up to God. Praising him. (I'm almost crying as I'm typing this) and so when the Monstance is close to you, it's respectful to kneel. So everyone kneels and when the Monstrance comes close its so powerful. You can feel him with you. The looks on some people's faces. Just..complete awe. Complete....take me with you! Just a few short seconds of the priest making the sign of the cross with the monstrance was enough to make me cry joyfully. and then I wanted more. And then we started singing this song called 'Hold my hand' and everyone was standing up. I lifted my hands up and really got into the words and all of a sudden it was just...I can't really explain. God held my hands. And I smiled so big...It was wonderful. I just..can't explain the feeling. God works in everyone. That little miracle changed me. My family may not go to church but I realized that I need to be happy...more. Even if everything seems sucky.
Smile. :)
God loves you.
And thanks for reading...
I love you my special reader who is reading this even though I'm completely lame!! ^.^
Wait. I'm not lame. :P God doesn't think I am...
haha:)
I'll be going now.
-Kiera
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