How do you know how your real friends are? How come it seems like everybody just wants something from you? Sometimes it seems like people are only my friends because they want my advice or they want to use me. It sucks looking around and questioning who is really a friend and who is just faking it. I'm only useful until I'm not needed anymore. Then my problems don't matter. That makes me sad.
The world is a crazy place. It's dangerous and you're gonna get hurt. But everyday I think of at least one thing I can do to put the rest of the world behind me, and just be myself. Today, I dug up all my old music. I figured I'm never gonna use it again, so you know what I did? I got out a roll of tape and taped all my music to my walls. I'm surrounding myself with somethig that makes me happy-literally(: it does make me happy though. Lookig around my room and seeing a million key signatures, notes, naturals, rests and treble clefs. Music is my passion. I can't explain it anymore than that. When I perform its like a dream. I really could rant on and on about it forever. Stepping onto a stage and singing and dancing and acting or any of the three is so incredible, I can't explain it. It makes me happy. It is the one thing that I know I'm good at. It's the one thing that makes me feel safe, and invincible and confident and just...happy. I wish everyone could feel what I feel when I'm onstage. It's just true, raw passion. And I truly, truly love it.
When words fail, music speaks.
Sometimes I'll sit down and listen to a song, and just take it in. Sometimes I'll focus o the lyrics, and other times I'll focus on one specific instrument the whole song, and how it blends with the other instruments. Music is just something that you can't bring down to an exact science. It's a whole other world of endless possibilites. Music is something that shows me that God is watching me, and that he is proud. Because when I perform, I feel him smiling down on me(:
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