Tightrope

Good..er...morning. During winter break, I've been sleeping in until around 1 or 2 each day. That's pathetic. Next week we go back to school and my moms gonna make us start goin to bed at 9 and waking up at 6:/ I guess we need to get back on the school schedule. Eeew. Second semester came up faster than I'd expected it to. I hope it goes well.

So, tomorrow it will be a new year. I always start the new year with a huge smile and a million wishes in my mind and reflected in my eyes. I always say that I feel it's gonna be a good year. That maybe something great will become of the upcoming year. Last year, it wasn't like that. As soon as the clock struck midnight, when I shouldve been celebrating, my stomach was twisted into a million knots and I felt like I was gonna throw up all the junk I'd eaten that night. I had no idea why. And I still don't know why. But hopefully this year it'll be better. Hopefully the wishes of a better year will reamain fresh in my thoughts. Cuz I can't take another uneventful year. Everytime I meet someone, I think that maybe this person will one day make me feel special. But throughout this year, I didn't find 'prince charming' and sometimes I do lose hope that I will. Will I end up some 50 something cat lady alone in her basement staring at pictures of shirtless celebrities and wishing I wouldve made something of myself? That thought is kinda funny. But I don't wanna be that old lady. I don't think anyone does, really. But I don't wanna be alone. I want to feel safe with someone else, instead of feeling like I'm wobbling alone on a tightrope. I guess friends and important people in my life really do make a difference. No matter how many times I tell myself I do not need a man, or a best friend who always texts back, there will always be that ache in my tummy knowing that that is all I want.

-Kiera