Trust

You ever feel down right ugly? Do you ever ponder if someone could love you for the person that you are?
I find myself wondering if I could ever allow anyone to love me. Not that I am ugly, or that I am beautiful. Simple because I do not know if anyone ever could. For the person that I am is sometimes ugly and sometimes not. And I wonder if there will ever be anyone willing to love both sides.
I feel alone some days. Like no one can really comprehend me and the world that I live in. Because I do not look at things the way everyone else might. I can smile through the toughest of times. I think that is something I admire about myself. My optimism. It may be something others dislike. The way I can always make something that others see as horrible, into something not so bad. People find that annoying about me. I don't know what is wrong with wanting to make people smile. What's wrong with wanting others to feel happy? I don't see one thing. I know this blog post is kind of all over the place. I've been wanting to post. So I'm just gonna keep posting disorganized things for awhile.

Trust. It is a 5 letter word that I will not allow myself to give. No matter how hard I try, it is as if the gift I would love to present to those I love is superglued to my palm. And I cannot give them my trust. Not anymore. Everytime I do give someone this gift, they make a fool of me.
I don't know. I'm done.