Hey hey heyyyy. I'm actually at a real computer for the first time in a very long time. I'm at a family friends house and this computer is actually quite fun to type on. (: So you know how everyone has the whole YOLO (you only live once) thing going on. It you have a twitter, you probably know (which, btw, follow me on twitter @mskieraloveless) . Well I think it actually has a point. It may sound kinda stupid. and no, its not an excuse to do stupid things. It's a way to say, not to live in fear all the time and not be afraid to try new things. Well, you really only live once (as a human...then you live with God forever and ever and ever...hopefully.) wow. I'm using parenthesis alot today!! (: Look there's another one...anyways. before I get TOO sidetracked...(I always do this....I have the attention span of a goldfish.--do goldfish have long attention spans? Who knows) WOAh. Let's calm down and start a new paragraph.
I find it very hard to let people in sometimes. It's hard to realize that not everyone is going to hurt me, but I can't help but think that everyone will. I guess its just better to only trust myself. I'm the only that will stay true to myself and not break promises to myself. (okay not entirely true...that diet did NOT work out). It's just crazy to think that people can be so...cruel. The stories I hear on the news every day. The things people have done to me can't compare to those but...it still shows the same creulty. Even if its not nearly as much. The last semester of this year we read a book called Night. (Heard of it?) It was pretty much a man's (Elie Wiesel) recollection of his time spent during the Holocaust. The things that I read in that book made me wonder how there can be such creul human beings on this earth. How can people do those things to people and think of it like "extermination"? It's just wrong. Of course its wrong, everyone knows that. But their race does not make them any different than anyone else. It's just really crazy to realize that living, breathing human beings did that people just like themselves. They assunmed that because they were a different race, that they were not the same species or something. I wish people would realize how truly precious life is. My aunt was in a car accident before I was born. A drunk driver hit her car when her whole family was in it. Everyone in the car was okay, except for her...she's alive. But she's been in the nursing home ever since. She's not the same person. I never knew her, but she was my mom's sister, and when I hear my mom talk about her, I wish I could've known her. In the blink of an eye, your life can be changed forever. Everything you have worked for can be ripped from your grasp in a few seconds. The man who was intoxicated who was involved in the accident didn't go to jail. He's out there living a normal life while an innocent person, who had a family, while her life is changed forever. It's horrible to think that people make those decisions. I'm already seeing people I know make similiar decisions. Wanting me to go to a party after Prom, and I refuse. People call me naiive because I don't like putting myself in those types of situations. I am almost 16 years old. Not 21. No, I will not go out and drink with you, because it's illegal and...I don't want to be someone I'm not. I just won't do it. I hate when people make assumptions about me because of my "inexperience." but we've already talked about this. New subject.
I want to try out for American Idol this summer. I'm going to be 16 on July 5th. It's always been my dream...I know it sounds silly. But the thing is, the audition is a day before we're supposed to leave for vacation, and I could possibly be asked to come back multiple days after the audition if I advance to further auditions (which would be a good and bad thing). Another thing is, we don't have enough money to cover the hotel and gas costs. It's a lot of pressure if I go...I don't want to dissapoint anyone. I seem to always have a lot of pressure...People have a lot of faith in me, and sometimes I wonder if they should. I love singing, and music, and I've never been so passionate about anything (except my faith) in my life. There is nothing in the world that makes me happier than singing on a stage and hearing the crowd clap for ME. When I'm onstage, I feel like I belong somewhere. It's a place where people appreciate me, and a place where there is no one to ricicule me and make me feel insecure. It's home. I know I'm getting a little cheesy, but it's true. If I could pick one place to go to everyday and I would never get tired of it, it'd be onstage. The adreneline rush always comes. The feeling of being completely invincable. I would do anything to be able to be onstage all the time. and everytime I think of being onstage, I feel happy. I know it's the one thing that I don't have to worry about people judging me...even though I know they will. It's one of the only things that I sincerely do not care what others think of me. I am me, and if people do not like it, they just gotta accept it. Lately I've been feeling a little out of place. Like everywhere I go, I don't fit in; don't belong. Like people just don't want me around. At the beginning of Sophomore year, I felt like I belonged in our group of friends. I sincerely thought that I had a great group of friends that all loved me. Now I'm not so sure. Sometimes I feel like people only want me around when I'm successful at something. When I win best soloist--everyone is my best friend. But when I don't win anything, there is not one person there to tell me that they are proud of me even if I didn't win. There isn't a soul that seems to care if I am upset or not. I suppose thats a little selfish. I'm sorry. I am a bit of an attention seeker. I can't help it. I really don't know who my friends are right now. I have a few friends that I can talk to about stuff but some of them just don't seem to care sometimes. I used to always have that one friend that I texted day and night, hung out with 24/7 and could tell anything. I don't have that now. It kinda sucks.
We've changed subjects a lot up in herr....I wanna change it a lot. Hey, I don't have internet at my house so I've got to roll through about 50 million subjects. I've needed to get this off my chest.
I know I've said this before, but I just want to remind everyone who is reading this how blessed they are. If you are reading this, you must have internet, and you are probably not homeless. I've got a roof over my head...a family that loves me. Great people in my life. and I have a voice that I am not afraid to use no matter what anyone says. God truly has blessed me. I know it may sound silly, but if anyone is reading this right now, I'd like you to look at your life and realize how truly blessed you are. Sometimes we take all of the amazing things and people for granted. We've got a beautiful world to live in. And the people around us might not be perfect, but God did not create us to be perfect. He gave us free will so that we could make mistakes and learn from him. and so that we could choose to do good, not do it because we have to. I know sometimes it feels like there is not a person that loves you. No person that cares about how you feel. But there is. God. I know, I know, if your not religious, I'm getting annoying. I don't care. God is there whether you like it or not. He loves you more than anyone could. I haven't been to church in a while, but...I pray everynight. and I can honestly tell you that every single night before I go to bed, I thank God for blessing me with such a beautiful life. I challenge you to do the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment